Pearls Before Swine by Stephan Pastis for February 07, 2019

Hell has better people.

I hat at guy

Be careful, Jef, or Rat will rupture your rapture.

He should practice his Evel Knievel jumps. Rat could setup a ray of light and heavenly music and say “Jump towards the light.”

Don’t worry, Rat. You weren’t going to Heaven anyway.

I thought those guys just got recycled.

Jef can Eff off, for all I care!

Not all “cyclists” are like Jeff. In fact, speaking as someone who rides a bicycle often, I don’t believe I’ve met any like him. Of course I don’t live on the same street as Rat and Pig. It has been my experience that most of the people who don’t worry about the environment because “The Rapture” drive pickup trucks or SUVs (and some are rude to cyclists).

As Shaw says in “Don Juan in Hell”, hell has all the _interesting _ people! Playing the harp gets pretty boring.

Don’t worry, Pig! This is your year! Go for for broke! Be a Hero in Hong Kong!

Raise your right hand …. Take off your hat …. Croc Power !

Does this not remind you of Sarah huckleberry Ha!!!

I never imagined Heaven being so pretentious.

Priest explained to us kids what Heaven was like. I prefer Hell. Being in Heaven is like being on crack for eternity as I understand it. Not a druggie.

See ya’ there, Jef!

Actually there are others there. The cyclists are separated into a room called Smug Heaven so they think they’re the only ones.

Those guys have legs like tree trunks. Also fearless to go out in the middle of today’s drivers.

Well now, if the afterlife (ha ha ha) were to be divided into departments, I would be content with Rock’n’Roll Heaven. You know they’ve got a hell of a band.

Book of Revolution per minute

I am hating cyclists more and more lately. It’s one thing when the pack of them are riding side by side and there are two lanes. But it really burns my a$$ when it’s one lane, they’re riding side by side taking up the whole lane and cars are stacking up behind them with no where to pass, and there is a bike lane that they’re ignoring.

In case of The Rapture…….Parties at my house!!!!

That biker looks like a pedalphile…

I agree with Sartre. Hell is other people.

it’s nature’s way of taking them out of the way, so other people can live in peace

So,that is the “end” of the “life cycle?” Lol

Contrary to the popular opinion, the rapture is an individual experience when we die.

“Better to reign in Hell than serve in Heaven.”

I knew this one would stir up controversy…

My preacher says we are in the last days of the Last Days. He was quoting his great grandfather.

The manner in which they ignore traffic and traffic laws here should produce a very steady stream of them to their afterlife destinations, wherever that may be.

Jef is a bigger egotistical jerk than Rat. Whoda thunk?

Don’t wanna go to heaven; won’t know anyone there.

bwaahahahahaa. And the sad thing is… this reflects reality.BAD DWAGON!!! (No.. really…)

Think of all the people you’ve ever known.

Now, think of them being in Heaven.

Still a believer?

Unfortunately all the cyclists I have met, that is the ones that wear the tighties, they are all arrogant jerks.

Eschatology; it’s not the end of the world, oh wait, it is…. never mind

Not only does he have a numb groin, he has a numbskull.

i’d rather spend an eternity with a bunch of cyclists in weird spandex gear than christian zealots. plus, as a hetero male, replace fit male cyclist with fit female cyclist and see if opinions change.

Funny how vegans and cyclists trigger so much defensiveness.

And will God then perfect the carbon-fiber frames to make them last as long as a steel frame? Oh, wait, even God is bound by natural laws.

Good news for me and the LACBC!

Ever notice that anyone planning on going to heaven isn’t planning on leaving any time soon?

Aren’t only natural, organic fabrics allowed in heaven?

Cyclists aren’t too bad; they taste a lot like chicken but I suggest pressure cooking.

Rat wouldn’t go to heaven anyway.

Jef the Cyclist is way too full of himself. Ugh! And, he has been following False Prophets.

Sassy bicyclists in tight cycling outfits are going to the Other Place!

I can’t believe that HELL sounds more enjoyable!

Because everyone knows that Jesus Himself rode into Heaven on a ten-speed!

Keep on thinking traffic lights and stop signs don’t apply to you and you might get there sooner than you expect.

Didn’t he already think he was god, or has he become modest? Answer: he is not modest. He meant when he dies, the rapture will come

Don’t worry, Rat. YOU won’t.

Do clouds make good bicycle lanes?

I hate when I have to agree with Rat.