Frog Applause by Teresa Burritt for January 28, 2019

The Chef and the Cook needed serrated titles.

I didn’t start hearing Chef this and Chef that until all these TV cooking shows came into the forefront. It sounds a little self-important to me, actually. Substitute another occupational title and then the absurdity is apparent. “Yes, Locksmith Johnson, I lost my key. Would you please make me a new one for free, Locksmith Johnson?” “Hey, Plumber Jenkins, what happened to your other ear?” “Hi, Bankrobber Jones. How much loot did you get from the safe?”

I’ll have my steak medium rare and an appendectomy on the side.

Whenever the Culinary Arts Degree was an added subject to the Universities Curricula.

I BELIEVE PLATO WANTED HIS PLATE A SUBJECT…

I blame Chef Boyardee, the man who introduced canned laughter to TV.

There was a time when food was awful, and scarce. Just being among the few who actually had ample food was not enough. One was also required to have persons of extraordinary abilities who could make an art form of a meal, who produce delicacies of such elaborate and complex preparations, that they could not be duplicated without training and experience. Having such persons at one’s command became a symbol of status. And so, being such a person was also accorded some reflected status. Being skilled in the kitchen is still a highly valued and most useful ability, but we do have a tendency to overdo things a bit.

Yeah, I’m with you, Teresa. It used to be a sneeze, not a title, met only with the usual gesundheit or occasional bless you. WHAT’S THE WORLD COMING TO??!!!

ᴛʜᴇ ᴄᴏᴍᴍɪᴛᴛᴇᴇ ғᴏʀ ᴛʜᴇ ɪᴍᴘʀᴏᴠᴇᴍᴇɴᴛ ᴏғ ғʀᴏɢ ᴀᴘᴘʟᴀᴜsᴇ ᴄᴏᴘʏ ᴇᴅɪᴛɪᴛɪɴɢ* has a better question:

Why do chefs, chiropractors and Kentucky chicken hucksters have occupational titles and lawyers do not? (asking for a friend of the committee)

* A Division of Frog Applause™ – Rotifer Thalweg Gocomics Appreciation Society (“FARTGAS”)

Winter diets in Froglandia have changed greatly in recent years. Once, the mainstays of the Froglandian winter diet were smoked and salted fish and meats, with grains and dried fruits from the previous season. The art of canning was once well practiced in Froglandia, though less now, with the mechanized packaging and preservation of foodstuffs being prevalent. Candied comix brush fruits, while having absolutely no nutritional value at all, being mostly simple sugars, were often presented for appetizers or desserts. They were a source of dietary fiber, and thus an important part of the Froglandia winter diet, much like the sugarplums of lore in European cultures, though having even less nutritional value than those. Animal slaughter in Froglandia is strictly a seasonal event. No animals are killed in winter, and none that will not survive the winter are allowed to live until winter. For this reason, many Froglandian butchers are also school teachers, their idle days in one occupation complementing their idle days in the other.

You curse like a chef.

I’d like to call him “Barber Dick”, but he might stick his scissors in my ear. Nobody says to me, “Hey, Engineer Ray, can you replace my cell phone battery?” Just glad I’m not Plumber Ray. “Hey, Plumber Ray, you’re c…k is showing.” I said that once to Plumber Bob, and had to go visit Nurse Nancy to repair my nose. (Of course, nurses do deserve being called “Nurse”, bless their hearts.)

Honestly, why aren’t there more knife fights in kitchens?

A sharp knife is sooo satisfying … those knife commercials where they cut thru steel then slice tomatoes into paper thin pieces with the same knife … ahhh … lots o’ money to be had in sharpness … with money comes respectability and titles … unless your name is Gillette, but that’s another FA toon ….

Titles become participation trophies or cap & gown preschool graduation. But I’m not gonna tell him; he loves those knives.

Peacocks! The lot of ‘em! Peacocks have been hunted to near extinction in Froglandia. There are still a few running around disguised as turkeys. It’s said that there is an underground network of them that have teamed up with the Pygmy unicorns in order to further their foie gras ideals and macaroni philosophy.

It’s less of a title and more of a rank, like sergeant. And you will be browbeaten as if you were in boot camp, maggot. Sir yes sir!

Try calling the Chef from New York City a mere cook. Don’t kick anything to close it.

TV hucksterism rears its ugly title! Off with their heads! Sharp and large knives are such a convenience in cutting the pompous down to size.

It is true, however, that it becomes a Bloody Mess, as our British friends say (but the British presence in Froglandia is smallish, about the size of a figgy pudding)….