A Problem Like Jamal by Tauhid Bondia for April 17, 2019

Very well done, Tauhid. Rational, reasonable arguments calmly presented. That should cost you another handful of white readers.

This is awesome, Tauhid! You’re putting these beautiful strips out daily, it looks like.

I really appreciate your long form explanation of this. It reminds me of a statement I heard a while back when someone asked, “Why can’t I say that word?”

To which the response was, Why would you want to?

There is so much to love here, but “other designated white spaces” may be my favourite.

Wow, Tauhid. Profound and pee-my-pants funny at the same time.

I served with black guys during the sixties in the Marine Corps and I don’t recall hearing them use that word.

“Like” 100x!

As an older white guy I try to explain it to other white guys like this..there are some things you can only say within your own group. My cousins and I can joke about our grandparents, but if you try to tease us about how lousy a cook my one grandmother was, we get mad. That’s OUR family and OUR family joke. I can bitch about my favorite baseball team, but if a fan of another team talks crap, I get mad. You don’t get to talk crap about someone else’s family/team/friends/country/etc. That’s normal human group behavior. So if you are not black, you don’t get to use that word. You’re not in that group. Period. No, not even if that black guy really is your best friend.

Reminds me of when I was younger and we used to have a Hungarian style soup on Sundays which we called “Hunky Soup”. As dad’s side of the family was Hungarian, that was what all of our relatives and the neighbors in East Toledo called it. Mom mentioned it one day to Lillian, a black coworker, and Lillian thought she was saying honky soup. It reflects the fact that while an ethnic or racial group may use a derogatory term amongst themselves, it does not give others outside the group license to use or abuse it, especially if they have little understanding of how the specific group used the term; i.e. if you call me a hunky I may take offense but it would be okay for me to tell a fellow Hungarian that I am go to Hunkytown (East Toledo) to get some Tony Packo’s and stop at the hunky meat market.

…so, (referencing the actual question) if I’m singing a song with the ‘N’ word in it, should I skip that part?…(not that I do, I won’t use the word at all – I think I did once in my teens or twenties, and it was in a different context, and I still wince at it 30+ years later)…Should one say “bleep” instead?…but the (much) younger generation, white, black, other colours, do listen to the rap/hip hop music that does employ that word, and they sing them as well; so, honestly and out of curiosity, what should they do??

We need some reverse-reverse-reverse psychology or somethin’. Tell some people they can’t do something and that is all they will be able to think about. Plus, unfortunately, so often logic is lost on the ignorant. There aren’t any magic wands in this world, but if there was, a trading places senario and walking a mile in another’s shoes might shake things up a bit. We are so resistant to change, and cling so tightly to traditions (I know, I know), even when they are clearly insane. We do things all the time that are counter productive to health and prosperity. Willful ignorance seems to be in our dna. Apologies for the rambling comment, haven’t had my coffee yet.

Spot on, Tauhid! However, my old history books never mentioned the roots of the word. I always thought it was the lazy drawl of “Negro,” Spanish-Latin for “black,” that got twisted into a slur by spitting it out rather than speaking it calmly. Maybe someday soon, you would do us a favor and explain. Or at least point us to the right history book.

Tauhid, since you encourage the conversation, might I make a couple of observations about the use of offensive words? Not all of us come from the South, and let’s all stipulate that it’s a culture unlike any others in this country. If your family has no roots there, they may have no idea what kind of language was used to put down blacks, but get booted off the friend list is they say something allegedly offensive. Case in point: Once, when I was a checker in a supermarket in a suburb of Denver, a couple of VERY tall African-styled gentlemen in expensive suits (they were Nuggets players) came through my lane buying what appeared to be food for one meal. They jokingly asked me if I thought they had enough for dinner. Because it was only about enough for one or two normal-sized people to enjoy, I replied, “I don’t know, you’re both pretty big boys.” Pin drops, gnats farting, no more smiles and jokes. Four beats later, I realized what was wrong and blushed harder than I ever had in my life. I’m sure I burst vessels. Then, they looked at each other, laughed awkwardly, and said, “Oh, that’s okay.” Of course it was okay; I would have given the same exact response had they been white or brown. But they were primed and ready to be offended by the use of “boys.”

The point is, some things really aren’t what blacks think they are. When they get upset over the common use of common words because once upon a time, in a place far, far away from a lot of other white people, crappy whites used that word to demoralize blacks, all it does is cause confusion and suggest that all whites are racist, no matter what. And that’s a charge we can’t defend against because the rules have no flex or nuance. Often, they make no sense whatsoever. When you have to walk on egg shells in the presence of African-styled Americans, you can’t just see them as siblings under Old Glory, you HAVE to see them as black first.

How do we all get past it?

Being white, and growing up in and around Oakland, Calif. about sixty years ago I was told that I couldn’t possibly say it pretty enough,so, I figured I wouldn’t say it….a lot safer!

Personal opinion,the “n” word/s (and the “h” word, and so forth) is rather lazy. I mean, there are better words to use for praise or to create offense. Praise can chose a different tact, and if I cannot insult someone subtly enough that it takes them ten minutes after I’ve left to realize it, I’m not doing it right.

Steve Urkel is a racist?