Non Sequitur by Wiley Miller for April 23, 2019

I envy these kids who have never seen a squirrel poop

Gimli mentioned it in The Two Towers….

He just needs to check my garage when the squirrels have been in, or in extreme cases, might find squirrel and poop in the engine compartment of his car, making a nest.

Don’t let the cute face divert you from the fact that it is silently pooping while looking at you.

Relax, Danae. We’ve never seen you poop, either.

I’m actually glad that I haven’t witnessed many animals pooping. As long as I can avoid the poop itself, I’m happy.

Does a squirrel poop in the woods? Of course, but not if anyone’s looking.

Lack of observation is not evidence of fact. Have you ever seen Danae poop?

Lack of observation is not evidence of fact. Have you ever seen Danae poop? Or is she a bad example to use? ;-)

Poop is poop. It has it benefits and it’s drawbacks, but it is a necessity and Jeffrey, just check the bottom of yours shoes sometime. You’re always out in the woods.

Wiley, how can someone come up with something this funny and also come up with Nebish?

I’ve never seen pigeons have sex either, but the sheer number of pigeons around suggests they must be doing so somewhere.

Is Jeffrey finally out on a limb on this one? Maybe he needs to branch out. Could be he needs to talk with a stool pigeon.

Well darn. Now you got me to thinking. There are a lot of things I never saw my parents do, but here I am.

I’ve never seen squirrels analyze and solve the many puzzles that bird-feeders have become but I know they do…

The constipation rate with them must be really high! (Sorry, I hope any of you aren’t eating as I’m posting this!)

When I was young, way back when, a squirrel figured out I carried nuts in my jacket pocket. I sat down and Mr. S crawled up and started searching the pocket. He found what he wanted.

Don’t know why she’s so bummed out. Pooping is incredibly enjoyable.

I just swept up around the bird feeder. There is plenty of squirrel poop.

Don’t know if I have either. Unless, those aren’t pecans they’re dropping on our heads!

With Danae, Dad knows that sometimes it’s best NOT to ask…

The droppings I encountered from the squirrels in my backyard were walnutshells. For the other stuff I guess they managed to get the birds blamed.

It used to be that comics were funny. Now they, like the rest of our culture, are sinking to the lowest common denominator.

Isn’t it interesting that you can say “poop” and “pee” in polite society but still get stared down if you use the exact synonyms “shit” and “piss”? (Not even gonna get into “screw”.)

Weirdness of Western culture.

Save on toilet paper. But do you want to be constipated for the rest of your short life.

I had to search where do squirrels poop. It was rather interesting.

Dear Mr. Miller: where are you going with this squirrel poop line? Jeffrey is too smart to hypothesize about this.BTW, squirrels poop on my deck often. Their turds are like rat turds, only round. (Rat turds are torpedo-shaped.) Squirrels appear to poop one to three turds at each go.And squirrels sometimes have pooping problems. The smart female I call Clara Fluffbutt visited last week with a 6-inch long, dark rod sticking out of her ass. I talked to her about it as she gobbled her usual two walnut halves. Sure enough, she left it behind for me.It was a continuous dried, shriveled line of 13 turds connected like beads on a string. Ewww!

The squirrels in my pasture have no problem with pooping and being observed, come on by, Jeffery.

I have a theory that Jeffrey needs to work on his observational skills.

Wish it were true for geese.

Ah, danae, so you really ARE full of. . .

Maybe if you looked in their tree house you’d find a little tiny toilet.

Maybe nocturnal evacuations?

Prey species tend to Hide when pooping because that’s when they are most Vulnerable to Predators.

I’m 77 and I’ve never seen one poop. And I don’t miss it.

Years ago, I was training my dachshund to use a litter pan, but without very much success. The litter pan was right next to the toilet, so one morning I aimed momentarily a bit to the right, and my dog immediately got the idea and started peeing in the litter box.

That worked out so well, that I thought… well, why not?

(This is a bit gross.) I placed a very small portion of my own #2 in the litter box and waited for my dog to get the idea.

She dove enthusiastically into the litter box, and before I could react, promptly gobbled down the “sample.” I was torn between being totally grossed out, and smacking myself in the head for not foreseeing the possible outcome.

No doggy kisses that night…