Richard's Poor Almanac by Richard Thompson for September 27, 2019

Transcript:

the birth of america: the newspaper story inventing a nation philadelphia, july 2 - the continental congress voted this day to declare independence for america. a document to this effect is expected to be approved to-day. many observers see this as an important step in join-ing the 13 states in a sovereign entity free of the grasping & corrupt policies of the insane king george III. after lengthy & rancorous debate congress also chose quoits as national pastime and the passenger pigeon as the national fowl. a committee was formed to design a national flag & to devise suitable punishments for those acting toward said pennant in a disrespectful or destructive manner. this leaves only the selection of a national anthem unresolved. "just for god's sake make it something singable," said john adams (massachusetts). early proposals include "yankee doodle," something by irving berlin, and "george the third is a right olde turd." the weather hazy hot & humid redskins scalp patriots d-1 the washington post it's independence george 3rd mad as h-ii rends garment, emits spittle & rails at "effrontery" snake: tread on me, will you? king: agh! local merchants plan sales & promotions 4-color supplement details savings celabratory fireworks accident singes wigs declaration approval likely to-day del. hancock to display superior penmanship, insiders say