Pearls Before Swine by Stephan Pastis for September 01, 2019

Does the news lady have scotch and/or bourbon?

thank you buster keaton for allowing us to enter the screen

Can the weather girl make it up to me?

And like all motherly News Ladies they give you your teddy bear and a bottle of liquor

Wow, he must have cable, my News Lady never gave me a hug. Never mind a bottle.

“Booze is the only answer” – Woody Woodbury

I’ve heard of 3-D TV, but this is ridiculous.

Gin and teddy.

Weather Girl could have been a tad hotter, Pab! Looked a bit neutral to me!

“…and now, to make up for all the depressing, disturbing, unpleasant news we bring you all day long, please accept five minutes of footage of this basket of kittens.”

I’m hazy on the start and end of this particular practice… but for several years Rachel Maddow would end her broadcast week by demonstrating how to make classic or entirely new cocktails at the end of each Friday program. She’d talk about the history of the drink, suggest a few tweaks, and sometimes demonstrate her own innovation on a beloved standard cocktail. Famously, she once stated that she disliked Pina Coladas… and then proceeded to make one that she had reformulated into a respectable beverage.

Oh good. Now we got food, and a drink to go with it too.

Saved by Mr. Booze !

No, Pig is right. It’s not her fault. It’s ours for choosing to watch constantly. We don’t need to watch the news 24/7 because it’s available. It puts crap in our heads. We are much better off turning off the news. It keeps us happier and a more positive mindset.

“Dirty little secrets

Dirty little lies

We got our dirty little fingers in everybody’s pie

We love to cut you down to size

We love dirty laundry

We can do “The Innuendo”

We can dance and sing

When it’s said and done we haven’t told you a thing

We all know that Kraft is king

Give us dirty laundry!

Kick ‘em when they’re up

Kick ‘em when they’re down"

Nah, if she thought of everything the bottle would be brandy or malt scotch. Gin? Bleh.

With gin on his breath and a Bible in his hand, he talked about honor and things I should know.

PIG had tee martunies then went to bed

Like Gin will take care of all our problems.

Will she tuck us in, too? … give us a good-night kiss?

I wonder if that sort of luxury would’ve worked 80 years ago when people had to listen to the news on the radio

Too many ‘news ladies’, and news men, these days think up things that never happened and try to pass them off as news. Or put their own interpretations to things that did happen and pass the spin off as fact.

They don’t even advertise hard liquor on the news, but now they can give it away?

Can I have a bottle too, News Lady? :-D

Yes! Yes it IS the newscaster’s fault! Infotainment Industry only seeks to keep its audience emotionally astir!

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=XTJcchmKhPw

We don’t get that show here. Is Comcast holding out?

I’m not sure this would work, Pig. As sensitive as you are, you’d probably just go on a crying jag.

That was a woman??

Queen Elizabeth drinks s glass of champagne at bedtime.

the Eagles “Dirty laundry”

A hug and a christian word of wisdom would do (it being Sunday), not a bottle of gin.

At least all the bad thing are still newsworthy.

There’s nothing like the real world to get you down.

If the TV started conversing with me, much less came through the screen and gave me a hug, I’d freak out big time, wouldn’t I Siri?

A bottle of gin and a teddy bear! Pig is all set for a good booze-’n-snooze.

Would be even better if news readers ready did “just say what happens,” but I don’t want to shatter Pig’s blissful naivete…

The modern miracle of interactive media!