Pearls Before Swine by Stephan Pastis for September 14, 2019

Exquisite and plastic free.

Right, you don’t want to encounter a straw in your turtle soup!

It’s okay, the turtles are biodegradable.

Wouldn’t it be ironic if the straw came from the turtle which became the turtle soup?

Have we forgoten that paper kills trees?

It’s the intention part. If the turtles accidentally die of a plastic straw, that’s horrible, and there was no (good) reason for that wasted death. On the other hand if the turtle dies to give us delicious soup, then at least non-vegetarians can agree that it might be worthwhile.

I am confused, why are we giving lethal straws to turtles? I’ve never seen a turtle use one.

Are paper straws discarded in 98.9% of the country really in any danger of finding their way into the ocean and afflicting marine animals?

Thanks for showing the absurdity, Steph !

I went to breakfast a few months ago and the waitress made a big show of pointing out that the straws were made from avocado pits.

Okay, save the turtles, blah, blah, blah, that’s fine. But who the heck says “we need something else to make straws out of; I know! Avocado pits!”

Make sure, Rat, that the turtles used to make the soup weren’t the cocaine tooting variety! Those straws are a dead giveaway!!

The straw that broke the turtle’s back.

Plastic straws are just the tip of the ice berg, and ice bergs are also endangered.

Say what you want to say about Rat, he knows how to showcase irony.

When I was a kid all the straws where made out of paper. All of the milk came in glass bottles which were reused. Sometimes the old ways were all right. ….. Croc Power !

If turtles die from straws, there will be none left to eat, don’t you understand?

Kinda digging this strip from a guy who lives in Northern CA!

No way to win.

The whole “plastic straws are bad for the ocean” thing is such a scam. Straws make up less than .0001%* of the plastic in the ocean. If they wanted to do something about the plastic in the ocean, do something about the plastic fishing nets.

*made-up figure, but it’s a really low percentage.

Straws metaphorically represent things that don’t need to be made out of plastic. The point is to reduce ALL plastic use. Straws are just the poster boy for the cause.

I never use straws. Just don’t get the point; I can drink just fine without one.

But the weird thing about the straws is that when I look in my fridge and grocery closet, at least half the stuff is in plastic containers. So why straws, specifically?

And with 3D printers, the use of plastic is probably going to increase dramatically.

Once I ordered turtle soup at a fancy restaurant (but they didn’t even give me a golden spoon!). It was like eating a bowl of brown gravy, so rich it made me nauseous.

get back into your shell…

Have we forgotten that you can drink without straws altogether. Sure, there are a few folks with medical conditions that may require them, but most people just go along and use this thing they never needed before. While it’s true that straws are only a small, and possibly symbolic part of a larger problem, anyone who tells you plastic in the oceans and landfills isn’t a problem is either a fool or a liar.

The wait staff suggested taking a sip then placing the straw on top of the glass. Did that.

Used 12 or 13 straws because the wind kept blowing them off the glass.

Why do we even need most straws? Can’t people just drink from a glass? I’m not counting people who have medical issues. I mean the general population. I gave up straws in 2002 and still manage to drink plenty of water.

“This is exactly what the fossil fuel industry wants us to talk about.They want to be able to stir up a lot of controversy around your lightbulbs, around your straws, and around your cheeseburgers, when 70 percent of the pollution, of the carbon that we’re throwing into the air, comes from three industries.” E. Warren (According to the Environmental Protection Industry, the three biggest sources of carbon pollution are transportation, the electric power industry, and personal homes and businesses, which account for 71 percent of greenhouse gas emissions.)

Well, it’s always SOMETHING.

My mom has recently bought several of those paper straws.

Stephen “strawman” Pastis

Waiter, “How about a mock straw for your mock turtle soup?”

Rat, “Are you mocking me?”

I’m picturing a farmer turtle in a straw hat with a sprig of dried grass from the field in his mouth.

Last year, the hurricanes that went through Georgia destroyed entire forests of trees that would have been used for lumber or paper. Unusable for anything because they start rotting as soon as they are down. Everywhere we camp, in several states, it’s prohibited to bring in firewood that’s not local, because of the national problem of emerald ash borers and pine beetles killing the forests.

Most of the trees used to make paper were only there because they were planted by the paper company to make paper. No paper -— less trees :(

To borrow a phrase from the NRA, Straws don’t cause pollution, people cause pollution.

Credit to Amadi Lovelace, a Facebook denizen posting about what happens when the “ban plastic straws” crowd encounters someone with a disability who cannot easily drink without a straw:

Ableds: Ban plastic straws now!

Disabled people: We need plastic straws to live.

Ableds: Look at all these many straw alternatives.

Disabled people: None of those work universally. We need plastic straws to live.

Ableds: But alternatives! Have you considered…

Disabled people: None of those work universally. We need plastic straws to live.

Ableds: We can find better alternatives. Until then ban plastic straws.

Disabled people: We need plastic straws to live.

Ableds: Make plastic straws mostly banned and really hard to get unless you’re disabled.

Disabled people: Gatekeeping means that we don’t get what we need. We need plastic straws to live.

Ableds: We’ll make sure you get what you need.

Disabled people: That’s been federal law for 30 years and people still refuse to comply. We’ve been clear about our needs. We need plastic straws to live.

Ableds: But plastic is bad. Don’t you care about sea turtles?

Disabled people: We need plastic straws to live.

Ableds: But…

Disabled people: We need plastic straws to live.

Ableds: You’re just being melodramatic. Look, this one disabled individual agrees with me, and that is more meaningful than hundreds of people who say otherwise. Ban plastic straws.

Disabled people: We need plastic straws to live.

Ableds: No.

If you use a plastic straw to drink turtle soup, it’s just adding insult to injury.

This reminds me of “Bugfest” at our NC Museum of Natural Sciences. Every year their big campaign basically says “Come learn about the fascinating world of amazing insects, and we’ll cook up a slew of them, too! Thems gooood eatin!”

Why not just teach the turtles how to use the plastic straws?

Problem solved.

A rose is a rose is a rose. But that may be arguable. But is a turtle a turtle a turtle? The turtles used for soup are not the same turtles that are endangered by plastic straws.

The turtles that are harmed by straws are BIG turtles, usually sea turtles.

Killing and eating sea turtles is illegal in the USA, so you won’t be finding sea turtle soup on a restaurant menu.

Though the diamondback terrapin was once frequently used in turtle soup, it’s now difficult to find that type at all.

In the parts of the USA where turtle soup still appears on menus, it is almost always made from snapping turtles. Snapping turtles are not a threatened species and in most states are legal to harvest. Also, most restaurants [or other purveyors of turtle meat] now buy the meat from turtle farms… where the turtles are bred and grown specifically for the food industries.

And eating mushy paper supplies your daily requirement of fiber.

And mushy paper gives you your daily requirement of fiber.

Don’t look for logic here, Rat. This is not Vulcan; not even near….

Why does this comment not surprise me?

Yeah, any restaurant serving turtle soup these days would be in trouble anyway.