Ballard Street by Jerry Van Amerongen for January 08, 2024

Well, Tom, if you would stop muttering all the time maybe your life would be a bit more fulfilling.

Those smoldering, angry eyes. He should be a star.

Because your last name is not “Cruise”, Tom.

Because nobody uses flash bulbs anymore. And all the old flash attachments have been turned into light sabers by Starwars fanboys.

You are, that’s the problem. This is as good as it gets.

Tom figures to lay the blame on his mutter.

No matter the problem or issue, it always boils down to fourth grade.

… or the fifth. Or the imperial pint.

Because you’re a civil engineer, Bob. There is nothing red-carpet sexy about water systems.

Because you mutter, Tom! Your mom said “speak up”, your dad said “speak up”, even your 9th grade drama teacher said “speak up” when you tried out for the play. It really mutters.

Do something ghastly if you are craving attention, Tom.

Time for some plastic surgery and check yourself into Betty Ford.

Good morning Balladeers!

Tom is disgruntled.

One main reason is that his wife Agnus didn’t think the red carpet would go with their drapes.

Because you didn’t get that job as Reporter in Hollywood, Tom. Oh, you didn’t mean that? Never mind…

The changes to your life you’d have to make might not be worth the effort Tom.

It’s because you drool when you mutter Tom, and drool is hard to clean from a red carpet. It’s the carpet cleaning union (BSCCU) that has put the kibosh on your dreams Tom.

Wouldn’t want that. Nope. A bit more money would be nice, tho.

Rob a bank and your dreams will come true.

… as thousands of adoring fans admire his comic strip rake-leaning technique and dreamy, sneaky eyes. :)

well….where do I begin…….

Dude, I hate to get personal, but it’s your inserts. :)

maybe if tom had some flash duds and a flash car…

Tom, you missed the boat to Hollywood when you tried to portay the Godfather as a Russian ballet dancer. I told you that wouldn’t fly, but no, you just had to do it, didn’t you?