That is Priceless by Steve Melcher for September 26, 2019

Frank hated it when the cleaners put too much starch in his collar.

The look you give when someone spoils the ending of the mystery book you are reading.

He failed ordination when he thought the Index of Books referred to his finger.

“Yes, your Chinese finger trap puzzle is quite amusing. NOW GET IT OFF ME!”

“Let me explain one more time doctor. I was repairing the binding on my book with Crazy Glue and some of the @#$! stuff got on my finger. Now if you would pick yourself off the floor and stop laughing long enough to get the book off my hand I would be most appreciative.”

Lee was thrown out of the children’s library for finger banging Charlette’s Web.

The look you give people who assume that when you’re reading you’re “not doing anything.”

“It says right here in this law book that I can wear a dress anytime I want to. “

Lord Sir Michael Fitzmichael, inventor of the finger moistener, prepares to present the prototype to the Lord Chancellor for his patent.

Sir Victor continues his search for a better mousetrap.

The precursor to the much maligned romper.

Carl, and his little black book

As coroner I must aver, I thoroughly examined her. And she’s not only merely dead, She’s really most sincerely dead!

Carl, accused of having a “saturnine visage”, and looked it up in his pocket dictionary, now ponders which weapon to use on his accuser.

Someone tore out his favorite page in his little black book.

The Puritan, John Pettie (1839–1893) Museums Sheffield. https://artuk.org/discover/artworks/the-puritan-71586/search. A Puritan not dressed in black – but he certainly has the Puritan scowl down pat.

Not sure why Carl even has a day planner…every entry says “Commit Evil”.

The look you get when telling a customer you no longer stock Day-Runner calendars because everybody keeps their schedules on their smart phones these days.

John Petty, Scottish: So, kind of a Scot, but not 100%, eh? "E’s no wearin’ a kilt! Nor tartan.

His visage is quite saturnine/ and his collar’s as stiff as his spine/ you know by the look/ that he goes by “The Book”/ and you’d better not step out of line !

‘E’s a Roundhead…but his don’t look so round!

All right! Who wrote a check and didn’t record it?!?!

Who put the mouse trap in the hollowed out book?

“Apple card. Low limit, but hey… Apple card.”

Carl wondered why the Sword Maintenance Manual had to be in six-point type—-the eyestrain was awful!

How dare you call me an “Egghead”.

The museum is having a sale on the nekked woman bookmarks it keeps under the counter. They are all fine art.

Jack Nicklaus about to turn in his scorecard with three double bogeys.

The Puritan:

https://commons.wikimedia.org/wiki/File:John_Pettie_Puritan_Roundhead.jpg 

has info and links that point to info about this roughly jumbo envelope size painting. First Other versions has strip coloration.

http://www.artcyclopedia.com/artists/pettie_john.html

http://www.english.emory.edu/classes/Shakespeare_Illustrated/Pettie.html

https://www.the-athenaeum.org/people/detail.php?ID=6645

https://www.wikiart.org/en/john-pettie

https://www.pictorem.com/profile/Pettie

https://books.google.com/books?id=_sBBAAAAYAAJ&q=Pettie&pg=PA189#v=onepage&q=Pettie&f=false

https://www.1stdibs.com/art/paintings/portrait-paintings/john-pettie-1887-portrait-smith-taylor-whitehead-esq-theatrical-16th-century-costume/id-a_4753232/

http://victorian-era.org/john-pettie-detailed-biography.html

http://www.avictorian.com/Pettie_John.html 

all have info, or links that point to more info, about this artist, perhaps in addition to what’s pointed to by the title URL. So far, 2 works by him have been used here. 

https://www.gocomics.com/that-is-priceless/2016/01/07?comments=visible 

has the prior, which while my comment is still there, with the line breaks removed, its 12 hyperlinks remain inactive. ?&@#!#%&!.

Again, a larger strip image is shown by (⌘- or Ctrl-) clicking the image in Mr. Melcher’s MASTERPIECE #2294 (September 25, 2019) blog entry, accessible by the Check out the blog! box after the last comment.

Frustrated at not being able to find the Scripture in the New testament that encourages him to smite his enemies…

Carl didn’t find ‘going commando’ nearly as freeing as he thought it would be.

" I’ve got my finger right on the part of the telephone transcription that exonerates our mighty and infallible Orange Emperor. This is a witch hunt!! "

______Dewey Cheatam, Trump’s 2020 Campaign Advisor & Apologist

“I’m sorry…. WHAT did you say about my shirt dress???!!!”"

One of those fun-loving Parliamentarians about to tell King Charles I that his head and body will soon be taking up separate residences.

George couldn’t find the answer in this text, either. He wondered what medical book could explain his pregnancy.

While having his portrait painted he was in deep thought of whether or not he should’ve shaved his head or wore a toupee.

“Alright! Who’s been pressing toads in my book?”

Carl, after his wife told him that yes, that dress DOES make his butt look big.