Off the Mark by Mark Parisi for February 11, 2020

I don’t mind that they’re squeezable, but if they hold mustard, it’s usually really crappy mustard.

Mr. Mustard must have been hanging around those who squeeze the toothpaste tube from the middle.

Why, ketchup? Too much pressure?

And they tend to make gross fart noises when they’re almost empty.

No hugs! No hugs!

I don’t blame you a bit, guy. You let one hug you and before you know it, there’s condiments everywhere.

I think you just don’t like the zaftig girls.

Go for one of the hands to force a handshake or a fist bump. Most huggers (like myself) will get the message.

I’m a member of two churches (It’s a long story). One church is rather traditional, 2,500 members with a couple hundred at each service on Sunday. The other is about 25 church going members: 24 geriatric women and me.

When it comes to the Peace in the traditional church, it’s handshakes and it’s over in about a minute. In the smaller church, it ain’t over until everyone hugs everyone else.

I promise not to squirt you…..really…..

Run! He can’t ketchup to you.

Flashback commercial…“Anticipation, it’s making you wait.”

Mustard and catchup have been at odds for decades!

Is he some sort of winer?