Pearls Before Swine by Stephan Pastis for March 30, 2020

i would like a coffee enema size tall

Hey, at least a size in a language you understand.

I’ll have a Cosi Fan Tutte.

Rat used to work there. He should know the coffee sizes. Of course he never took the job too seriously.

So if you go into where my son is a cook (or, I hope, will be again when this all rolls by) you can get a cuppa coffee for a buck. With all the sugar and creamer you want, cream if you ask specially. Or you can go across the street and get sweeeeetened creeeeamy whipped coffee with some flavor or other for about 5 or 6 times as much (in a bigger cup). Lessee now: $1.00 or $6.00 … decisions, decisions…

I’m dreaming for a Coffee at the bar since the beginning of March but here is all closed since then . Arrivederci Bella Cappella. means “so long beautiful chapel” but chapel in Italian slang is the top of the penis as well as a part of the churches and this could be misunderstood .

venti = 20. And a venti size is (or at least was) 20 oz

Rat, for all his negatives, has a real gift for sarcasm.

“Tall” is easier to spell than “pompous”.

The venti should be 20 ounces.

BTW Tall is the smallest size.

You don’t have to use multiple languages to make nonsense. The iced coffee at McDonald’s comes in two sizes, one of which is “medium”. And as any fule kno, “medium” means “in the middle”.

should’ve ordered the gina lollabrigida…

We have a place called “The Roastery” near where I live. About the nicest coffee I’ve had in a long time!

I thought Rat worked there.

Exactly.

Starbucks has been around for a billion years. This is just how it’s done. Learn to cope, Rat. (I don’t go there anymore, got sick of their absurd prices.)

Just like chocolate bars: large, regular, personal, share, fun and mini. (Did I miss any?)

Make my own coffee , no waiting ! … Croc Power !

Juan Valdez is laughing…from the Beyond, or wherever he is.

And ANYONE who would spend THAT MUCH MONEY for a cup of nasty, bitter, burnt bean drippings IS AN IDIOT! I don’t care HOW MUCH CRAP you pour in to try to hide the flavor, it’s STILL NASTY!

Ironically, “large” is the smallest… Talking about deceiving marketing lingo… I went to one of those burger chain joints, they had a promo combo something. The girl asked me “regular or large.” I said regular and she charged me extra!!!! It turns out that “regular” is an upgrade. “Promo” is the price of the promo, "Regular΅ is an extra fifty cents, and “Large” is a dollar on top. Nowadays, burger joints are more dangerous than car dealerships. You have to go with a friend to protect you from upsells :D

Ironically, “large” is the smallest… Talking about deceiving marketing lingo… I went to one of those burger chain joints, they had a promo combo something. The girl asked me “regular or large.” I said regular and she charged me extra!!!! It turns out that “regular” is an upgrade. “Promo” is the price of the promo, "Regular΅ is an extra fifty cents, and “Large” is a dollar on top. Nowadays, burger joints are more dangerous than car dealerships. You have to go with a friend to protect you from upsells :D

I ordered an “Anna Maria Alberghetti.”

Technically, “grande” means “large”, so he could have given Rat a grande. Of course, the Starbuck’s size names are idiotic, because you can’t tell which size is larger without looking at the prices. Only “venti” makes some sense, as you can infer that it’s 20 oz.

They’re not the only chain that does that, though. Buffalo Wild Wings had sizes “snack” and “small”. We never could figure out which had more wings. I hear they’ve thankfully gone back to ordering by wing count now.

What a stunad!

I’d be at an airport and only a Starbucks. I would inquire if I could get a real coffee. Luckily they could make a real coffee. I like coffee, not coffee milk shakes.

I’ll take a Marcello Mastroianni.

Che pretenzioso!

“Tall” is the only Italian word I know.

Well said.

I’d like an Ariana Grande and a venti later…

Who hangs out in coffee shops these days?

Didn’t Rat use to work there?

I’d like a tall Powerade.

Haha. Tall is their smallest size.

Veni, Vidi, Vici quoth Rat

Mochachino latte half caf decaf with a squirt and a sprig of cilantro.

The Usual.

Rat’s right, it’s just a way to be pompous

Some people do not like it simple.

We believe in ’keep it simple stupid ’ kiss

That jerk, Rat is lucky he got one at all.

Those Coffee shops do a good enough business that they shoul be able to refuse service to anyone. The notion that Equality demands he serve everyone is violating his Freedom of Choice.

Slow to adjust to the 20th century. Oh well, it’s early days of the 21st.

Tall = Small in Starbuckspeak

They are so pretentious!

The ‘Venti’ term really bugs me. Its the 20 oz. No Italian has ever ordered a ‘Venti’. They are metric. 20 fl oz is 0.591 liters.

Old restaurant trick. Use Italian or French words and something plain and simple is now gourmet. (I wanted to rant about the changing of drink size names in fast food restaurants but I haven’t had my blood pressure meds yet…)

There’s no such thing as a “barista”; the proper term is “coffee boy.”

I don’t speak Starbucks, but doesn’t “tall” mean “small”?

This is funny stuff….love Rat’s attitude.

The Coffee shops are rather pompous with these Italian sizes, but at least they make sense. When you go to a some fast food restaurants, they ask you “Do you want that meal in a Medium or Large” ? WTF…No I want small! “we don’t have small it’s medium” …Hey idiot’s if you have 2 sizes THERE IS NO MEDIUM!!!!

I went into a Starbuck$ many years ago and ordered a small black medium roast. The drone behind the counter snottily corrected me with their idiotic names for things. I said never mind, walked out, and haven’t been to one since. Don’t miss it a bit.

Oh, baby … I’m still rolling on the floor laughing … this one was fantastic … I never understood why coffee shop use those italian terms in a rather idiotic way to define the size of cups … we, in Italy, don’t use that names and this fact bugged me a lot for years … So this strip definitely made my day …

He does different variations on this idea/strip all the time

You did that to a customer once, you hypocrite.