Aunty Acid by Ged Backland for May 01, 2020

Know any makeup artists from Lourdes?

Just lube the people up with whiskey that you hang around with, and then they won’t notice.

Have a double and you’ll start feeling young and single again, Aunty!

Why would you want to hide those smile lines, aunty?

Don’t think of them as wrinkles, think of them as geological features. Just give them names like the Great Rift Valley or Grand Canyon.

Party with nonagenarians.

Try the canal that Andy Capp falls into all the time.

Follow Joan Rivers’ example and use Botox … you’ll walk like an old woman, but your face will be frozen in time.

Save the money and just go with a paper bag.

so true

Try hope in a jar from philosophy.