Moderately Confused by Jeff Stahler for April 29, 2020

It could make some pretty interesting reading for someone in the future if it should somehow fall into their hands. I’ve also been using mine to mark the 5 to 15 day periods on the rare occasions I have to go out.

Perhaps he could cross off each of the days of lockdown in his planner. I suggest him use a Sharpie.

Who has a planner anyway when you have a smartphone?

Keep it for 2048. By then you’ll know if we survived the 2038 problem.

Or it will no longer matter.

Probably thought it would give him a good vision of the year.

Day one, I sat in front of the computer. Day two, I sat in front of the computer. ……Day 152, I sat in front of the computer.

Don’t use a planner. Keep a journal. Ye be warned; there be puns ahead. (I borrowed some of these).

Day 72 of the lockdown.

Those voices in my head continue to have conversations with my household appliances.

According to the microwave things aren’t going well. The griddle is beginning to waffle and the panini maker thinks it’s a matter of time before we’re all toast. I can’t trust the washing machine since she puts a different spin on things. The refrigerator is acting cold and distant but the iron is straightening things out: the situation isn’t that pressing.

The vacuum cleaner was unsympathetic and told me to suck it up, but the fan was encouraging telling me that this will eventually blow over. The toilet looked flushed and the doorknob told me to get a grip. The front door became unhinged and the curtains told me to pull myself together.

The burnt-out lightbulb wasn’t very illuminating and my dull knife just wouldn’t cut it. My wide-screen TV didn’t have the big picture and I couldn’t count on my broken calculator. Even though the clock had time on its hands, it had second thoughts. My record player just went around in circles and I could not get a rise out of the yeast in the kitchen. The tortilla was flat but the coffee maker did perk me up.

The lawn mower was too high on grass to be of any use and the rototiller couldn’t turn anything up. However, the hammer was able to nail things down that was plane to see.

I guess I’ll have to screw up the courage to consult the wine bottle.

_The best laid schemes o’ Mice an’ Men

Gang aft agley_ _To a Mouse (Robert Burns 1785)

Or, more succinctly: Mann tracht und Gott lacht

Plan your next shave.

To keep track of Zoom calls?

I’ve been using mine to draw doodles about odd things I see or that happen to me. One of my favorites lately is making fun of odd things I’ve seen on Zoom.