Pearls Before Swine by Stephan Pastis for September 18, 2020

It counts toward sleepless nights.

I once read that someone had come up with the perfect weight-loss plan: You can eat as much as you want, but you have to take all your meals while standing naked in front of a full-length mirror.

All those nervous tics burn calories.

Never seen a fat rat ; except in a Walt Disney movie .

AAMOF Worrying makes me gain weight!

Worry burns a LOT of calories (for me.) Even at that, I snack constantly when I worry.

Rat the pertinacious perennial pessimist who pessimistically ponders perpetually. Rat the despairing downbeat defeatist, the dejected demoralised despodent. Rat the ludicrously lugubrious loser, the monotonous maniac of miserable melancholy, the…

By that yardstick, most PBS cast members can thank Rat for being a cause of worry…note that he has no effect whatsoever on Pig (or on Stephan, for that matter)! :D

Rat try one of those left-handed smokes for that worry problem. Like Captain America said to George in the movie Easy Rider "Do it first thing in the morning and it will give you a whole new outlook on life " …….. Croc Power !

Yeh Rat, Counts for heartburn!

In my attempt to lose weight I found it helpful to lose it in 5 pound increments. It was easier for me to lose 5 pounds 10 times than it was to lose 50 pounds. Of course when I look back on it, I think of it as having lost 50 pounds.

Rat worries?

No, no it doesn’t.

I got a high metabolism.

If only thinking burned calories, I’d be built like a pencil. . .

Fine but don’t call me surely.

No it doesn’t, and don’t call me Shirley!

Question ? Were is the beer mug that goes with the burger and the fries ?

It DOES. Seen plenty of divorcing folks lose weight over the stress of it all…

I learned to worry at a set time a day for one hour, the rest is for action.

And his species eats ANYTHING, including people……….

Worry and stress can help you lose weight…regardless of the amount of food you consume

After all those years on the cover of Mad Magazine, Alfred E. Neuman never worried, yet never gained weight….

A rat would eat a little bit and stockpile the rest.

I think Pearls needs a new name, maybe gloom before doom

I read an article one time where two groups of people were randomly selected and one was given a physical task to do for an hour which burned some target number of calories, 300 – 400 or so, and the other group was given a bunch of complex mental tasks for the same time, math problems, interpretive reading, logic tests, etc. At the end, they both were interviewed to see how tired they felt physically, and several other questions, including how hungry they were. The results showed that both groups had about the same increase in hunger level! That the mental work didn’t physically burn the calories, but made the body think it did.

My exercise routine consists of running and jumping. I run off at the mouth, and I jump to conclusions.

I was always “normal” weight for my height. I was fortunate. I quit smoking (15 years ago) and added a few pounds, no more than 10. But i tell you, i hunkered down for this pandemic, and I think i’ve added 20 pounds since February! I’m retired, so i’m fine being home, but if my BMI shows me as nearly obese, I’ll have to find a full time physical job. Or start jogging, Or diet… It’s uncharted territory for me. I sympathize with others, but it’s nothing compared to the virus woes some are facing. Or the fires. Or the hurricanes… best of luck to all.

A student of Alfred E. Neuman, he’s not.

Well it does indeed count for something Rat. Unfortunately, it’s a negative number that only serves to make it worse.

I lost 57 pounds on what I called “The Stress Diet,” starting in the Great Recession and extending a couple more years while I dealt with unemployment.

old joke alert: Rat gets plenty of exercise. He runs his mouth off. He jumps to conclusions. He pushes the boundaries of decency, …

“Plus, there’s that wire wheel in my den.”

That’s just one more thing for you to worry about, Rat….

My waist line says that doesn’t work, Rat!

If worry caused weight loss I would be about 7 sizes smaller.

The flop sweat really melts away the pounds!