Close to Home by John McPherson for September 25, 2020

I don’t think Bleeb likes what he is seeing.

I would hope Mr. Zif isn’t selling a cheat sheet to the kids!

All we wanted was to have the locks changed.

….there is NO WAY your parents will come and live with you.

Lol need more of this type of parenting

I know that situations are different for different people but I would love for my kids to move back home.

Then there is our platinum package with the lawn rapid fire ammo pop up sprinkler system. Couple of hits to the ankles and they finally get the hint. Removal of the ones who cannot crawl out is extra.

Remember our new slogan: There’s more than one way to handle the COVID-19 consequences.

What, no mine field?

The more the merrier! Could use more help with wood and yard work so I can golf more!

What? No moat filled with alligators? No guard-penguins with nuclear missiles strapped to their backs? These cheapskate parents will regret not going with the premium package.

It is getting to the point that readers look for Bleep more than read the comic.

My parents threatened to change the address on the house so us kids wouldn’t know where they moved to.

Too late. COVID hit and they are already here!!!

If you not careful, you can “security” yourself into your own prison.

Wanta bet? Bleeb has already noted your security weakness, he watched you install it. ( kinda like when your dog watches you build a fence to keep him in.)

Off to Assisted Living Then!

Just remember the vampire legacy movies. They can come in only if you let them in.

Where is the machine gun tower?,,,,,,,,

“Yes sirree, you and the missus have just purchased the finest gear we have at Zif Security! Although, you really should consider doin’ sump’n about that weird little yellow alien bug lookin’ thing, that’s peakin’ into your bedroom window from your neighbors roof! Now, it just so happens that we have some beee-utiful, roof-mounted tactical laser canons that can absolutely fricassee a pigeon from a hunerd yards easy! Man, you oughta see it, them suckers just explode into a ball of feathers! Hooo-wee, it is a sight to see! Hee-he-he-heeee!

Ahem, um, forgive me folks, I’m sorry, I get a little carried away with the lasers! Maybe just throw a shoe at it, or sump’n.

A lock and a glock would be sufficient. Google “correctness” changed glock to glockenspiel ……..I guess that would be effective also.

Just get rid of the garage…

Bars on the doors and windows. Barb wire fencing. CCTV. Are you home or in jail?

“Now your house is a deathtrap!”

Accept for the key under the mat.

Let’s see how the kids feel about this when it comes time to chose your nursing home.

Both my kids are doing great. They’re making money hand over fist.I guess they didn’t get the millennial memo.

My poor parents! They could’ve used these products/services — they couldn’t get rid of us; we just wouldn’t stay gone!