C'est la Vie by Jennifer Babcock for June 05, 2011

She was probably a Latin scholar who chose the wrong definition of “sheath.”

…and this is why Stephan Pastis get paid the big bucks.

“This is horrible! Now every time I go out, I know I’m going to have a knife’s day!”

She hid them in her c-section.

I hate to think of the time she spent straddling the issue, although she must have feared coming to the point.

What would it say about her sexual preferences if she’d carried a switchblade?

Nope, no brilliant puns here.

This goes “vagina dentata” one better. Now she can help a close friend sharpen their tongue.

If you weren’t circumcized before your date with her, you will be after…

While I can think of an approprite pun for this situation, it might not be brilliant, and it’s certainly not printable. (It hinges on the word “cutlery.”)

Vagina dentata.

This was a technique used by lady ninjas in old Japan, who would routinely use this natural advantage as a place to carry a knife of absolute last resort – although Japanese blades being as sharp as they are, it was absolutely essential to have a personalised sheath created first, so as to be able to hold the knife securely and above all safely.

Reference Japanese samurai and martial arts scholar, Stephen Turnbull.

How can I delet this one?

One bad coughing fit and she gets a tonsillectomy…