Real Life Adventures by Gary Wise and Lance Aldrich for December 15, 2020

Nope hes thinking about something you said at dinner.

The pencils for my crosswords keep disappearing from the little table between our recliners. My wife denies all responsibility and says they just “migrate.” But then she always goes and finds a couple and puts them back.

Same person who shot the sheriff but not the deputy.

Great thought, let me write that down. Can I borrow your pen?

Check the kids’ rooms…

The one with all the socks.

Douglas Adams had an answer to that…

Nurses are always moving and needing a pen. There is usually 2-3" of pen mulch in the bottom of their purse.

Pens also grow out of coffee cups left on top of microwave ovens. Any pen found by a phone doesn’t work.

I always wanted to drive up to the teller window and ask, “Can I have a pen?” Then just drive away with it.

He forgot to add Adderall to his coffee.

The companies say they have increased toilet paper production by 845%. Who has all the toilet paper?

I learned early on in teaching, if you would loan pens, then the students would count on it and not take responsibility to bring their own. So I put a few in a cup on a shelf and said: If you borrow one and don’t put it back, it might not be there tomorrow for you. Problem solved.

One place I worked, my desk was out in the middle, so everybody passing by who suddnely needed to sign something or jot something down would grab a pen and end up wandering off with it. So my wife ordered me some pens that said, “Stolen from Llarry’s Desk”

Of course, it took three tries to get them – the first batch said, “Stolen from Larry’s Desk” (note the single “L”), and the second batch said, “Naomi Hatfield”, but that’s another story…

The Illuminati has a division that controls the flow and stockpiling of pens.

NOTE: The Illuminati does not exist. Neither does this note. You’re hallucinating again.

What’s her problem? It’s an interesting thought. Except that he is interrupting the show.