Speed Bump by Dave Coverly for March 22, 2021

Yahweh needs to smite that peon.

You could fit more on a bagel if it wasn’t so holey.

Plain bagel, cream cheese, red onionslice, tomato slice, capers and lox.

Breakfast good enough for Jehovah!

Stoning at noon today……

Add some Covid and you’re good to go.

Besides which, everything bagels are trying too hard. Much better an onion bagel, or a salt bagel, or a plain bagel. Anything but “everything”.

He left out the kitchen sink…god likes the texture.

Oh, come. You know there’s only two ways to make bagels: the bakery’s way, and yahweh.

I’ll let myself out.

It’s missing the manna.

I read a science fiction story when I was a kid…

in it, there’s a crystal sphere that holds a perfect miniature of Earth…

Everything happening on Earth is also happening in that orb.

An “everything bagel” should be like that…

only with the whole solar system.

But I just know the bakers would whine cos they can’t get some silly thing… like maybe giraffes… during the pandemic.

No, no…this cartoon was just begging for the Paul Hogan line:

“THAT’s not an everything bagel… THIS is an everything bagel…!”

I have an Everything Bagel with cream cheese every morning for breakfast. I add more ‘everything’ seasoning to my bagel.

My Lady calls them “Everywhere bagels”.

I hear ya

Would an everything bagel include anchovies?

Question: If an everything bagel has all the toppings, why isn’t a plain bagel called a nothing bagel?

Hey! Not EVERYONE is an omnipotent ruler of the Universe!

It’s got everything I would want on a bagel.

Theres’s never enough everything for everyone.

I dropped it on the floor, and it rolled under the sink, so yeah it’s got everything!

Meanwhile, over in Buddhist heaven, they just say “Make me one with everything.”

Idamn it. Can’t you do anything right? Now get me some holy water.

I do miss living in NYC.

I tried to get a Life, the Universe and Everything bagel, but they only sell them in bags of 42. (And besides, gotta use up all the leavened bread before this Saturday.)

Minus the universe of things

It’s not nice to fool the boss!