Non Sequitur by Wiley Miller for June 08, 2021

What a smooth bore.

Judge Howitzer has spoken!

If may not be law, but it is canon.

Yeah. Drivers have fantasies like that too. Mine involves a bulldozer blade for the slowpoke in front. And a 50 terawatt laser for the guy behind me driving the jacked pickup with his high beams on.

Did he shoot the district attorney or the defense attorney?

The attorney’s case was full of holes. Now the attorney is full of holes.

“And when I say Overruled, I MEAN Overruled!”

Seems like the judge is trying to compensate for something.

That must be Judge Dreddnought.

Mine is more of a “Mad Max” … Your car is stolen, and you know you’re never going to get it back, so, you push the remote on the bomb you’ve wired into the system, blowing up your car with the guy that stole it … One thing, always remember where you parked, just so you don’t make a mistake … ;)

Maybe every judge, but mostly among the lesser caliber ones

Kinda messy. I’d go with a megawatt laser.

I would not be wanting to sit in the public seats, or walking in the corridor outside.

The court will now take a recess……until we locate the lawyer.

works for me. :D

When I worked as a cashier or teller, I just wanted a trapdoor. At first, stocked with gators, then I realized piranahs did a much better job. Too bad it was just wishful thinking.

Judge Roy Bean had one of those.

On a different note, my fantasy is to drive a D9 Cat, bucket down at about 60 mph scooping up speed bumps

Could work for “Objection sustained!” too. A lawyer can be a jerk by making too many out-of-order objections (as in the example illustrated), but it is possible to be a jerk with a whole line of open questions, insinuations, and other dubious attacks on a witness which require objections from opposing counsel. But it is far easier for Wiley to illustrate ‘overruled’, ‘sustained’ would leave too many readers scratching their heads.

My father affixed a large pivoting fresnel lens on the dashboard. If approaching cars with high beams on didn’t respond to his flashing his lights at them, he would wait until they got close and then flipped the fresnel up at them. Non Sequitur style road rage!

“Have you ever noticed that anybody driving slower than you is an idiot, and anyone going faster than you is a maniac?” Comedian George Carlin

The judge is having a blast.

Law and Order CSI. (Courtroom Scenario Innovation)

Many US judges are packing heat under their robes.

my fantasy is to have one of those in my car so I can blast slow people out of the fast lane

no comment today

The court finds YOU objectionable!

What, you didn’t see that episode of Judge Judy?

… assuming the judge can stay awake long enough to hear the objection.

Here’s a mathematical proof of why the only kinds of drivers you encounter on the open road are either jerks or assholes. We begin with definitions:

(a) A sane driver is anyone like you, who drives at exactly the right speed.

(b) A jerk is anyone who goes slower than that.

© An asshole is anyone who goes faster.

Since the other sane drivers are going just as fast as you are, you will never overtake them, and they will never overtake you. However, you’re guaranteed to eventually catch up to those dawdly jerks ahead of you, and those impatient assholes in back will always end up tailgating you. Therefore it’s simple logic that the only other drivers you encounter will always be either jerks or assholes. QED.

Don’t judge lest ye be judged. Especially when you use these tactics.

When I worked in a pizza parlor my dream was trap doors and deadfalls activated from behind the counter.

Put Jen Psaki on the bench. She knows how to deal with idiots.

Not Every Judge.

Some of them would prefer to mount a .50 Caliber machine gun on the bench.

This reminds me of Trump’s attempt at overturning the elections through the courts. KABOOM

Now that I put in 16 hours as an “Election official poll worker” for the Democratic Party Primary for the Virginia Gubernatorial Election, I have Jury Duty for the remaining Tuesdays in June! I’ll be ready for the cannon fire….

Would you like to appeal to a court of higher calibre?

A friend of mine often expressed a desire. A scrap dealer near us had several “duce and a half” half-track trucks in its lot. Those each had a disabled 20mm machine gun and gunner’s seat mounted on a swiveling frame. He wanted to buy one, station his little 9-year-old boy in the gunner’s seat dressed in WWI flight jacket, helmet, and goggles, and take it at max speed (45 mph) out on 65 mph I-35W just South of Minneapolis. We had some pretty good laughs about the mental picture his description evoked.

I much prefer the machine guns in the front like Bond had in his DB…