Non Sequitur by Wiley Miller for June 09, 2021

If you power it up he’ll be well done

If he’s a vampire, he’ll be extremely angry.

Best tanned corpse in the cemetery!

Now what are you going to do with his hyperbaric chamber?

♪♫…So we tanned his hide when he died, Clyde, and that’s it hanging on the shed! All together now…♪♫

Add a power cord connection and he’ll maintain that tanned look for centuries!

If he’s going to The Other Place, a tanning bed would be a bit superfluous…

I kind of like this idea. Would it be legal to be buried in a tanning bed for a coffin?

It was either that or turn it into an air fryer.

Wonder what they will do with the Reality Show Host that got his tan, hair color, information and politics from a bottle? Reminds me of hit song from yester-years: “What Shall We Do With The Drunken Sailor, What Shall We Do With Drunken Sailor, Early in the Mourning….”

Notice his nose sticking out over the top of the casket.

“Sin*sear* condolences.”

George Hamilton right?

Pity the tanning bed wasn’t large enough to let him be buried on his stationary bike. Two thing he bought that took up a lot of space in the apartment, and were never used.

No worries about skin cancer. Crank it up to 11 and there’ll be no need for cremation.

That will be the basis of a PhD thesis in 300 years.

No more orange!

This really tans my hide.

Money burned a hole in his pocket…

I guess there are dumber ways to get a tan, just not quite so terminal.

If he has an orange combover, we can guess who it is

“Let There Be Light!”

From Wikipedia: “The American Way of Death is an exposé of abuses in the funeral home industry in the United States, written by Jessica Mitford and published in 1963. An updated revision, The American Way of Death Revisited, completed by Mitford just before her death in 1996, appeared in 1998.”

In it, she “documents the ways in which funeral directors take advantage of the shock and grief of friends and relatives of loved ones to convince them to pay far more than necessary for the funeral and other services”, notably including caskets.

“In keeping with her wishes, Mitford herself had an inexpensive funeral, which cost a total of US$533.31 (equivalent to $880 in 2020). She was cremated without a ceremony, and the ashes scattered at sea; just the cremation itself cost US$475 (equivalent to $784 in 2020). The funeral company was the Pacific Interment Service, which prides itself on ‘dignity, simplicity, affordability’.”

Sorry, those lamps have to go to a hazardous waste disposal site. :)

And it’s solar powered…

Oh, I thought the orange guy used spray paint.

At the funeral I’m hoping to see, the initials on the wreath will be “DJT” rather than “RIP.”

As my granny used to say: “Tis not the cough that carries ye off, it’s the coffin they carry ye off in!”

That was my mother. I am the eternal realist.

He won’t need to be cremated, he’s getting desiccated.

Instead of a eulogy, maybe they should have a roast instead…..

Apparently he’s not expecting much sunlight where he’s going.

And a modern casket cost just as much…