The Argyle Sweater by Scott Hilburn for August 27, 2021

That sucks!

She’s a bendy straw too!

The paper straws of my childhood would get soggy and begin to unwind. The advent of plastic straws was a huge advance for humankind . . . until it wasn’t.

“I remember the time I broke a camel’s back…oh, how I warned them…”

Mrs Sippy.

And now she is Solo.

Sadly, you can still find their remains in the oceans, landfills and dumpsters.

Things evolve. The problem with humans is, we only think short-term. Every time we invent something, it’s important to ask where it goes after it’s been used, and what the repercussions of that are. But we generally don’t.

With plastic straws (or all things plastic), we never thought about the long-term impact it would all have on the rest of the planet. Now we have to deal with it. Fortunately, there are alternatives including new plant-based straws that keep their shape but also biodegrade. They are growing in popularity around here — though unless I’m drinking a milkshake, I just don’t bother with them.

Paper straws are better today than yesteryear…..

I never liked drinking through a straw anyway. If I can’t sip directly from an uncovered cup, I wait.

and he wishes that drowning men would quit grasping at him…

Wouldn’t that be nice.

He’s making a straw man argument.

I always thought the straw man looked more like a scarecrow. If I only had a brain.

Your world was over-run by the plastic bottle aliens?

My name is Chingachgook!

If you truly want to do something about plastic, make a law that all drink containers have to be made of glass or aluminum, with a 10 cent deposit on each. This would include water bottles. Glass and aluminum are highly recyclable.

Those paper straws had loose wrappers. When you tore one end off, you had a propulsion system that could send that wrapper far into the air; in the school cafeteria, we’d dip the closed end in the chocolate pudding they served and fire the wrapper upward. The cafeteria ceiling soon resembled a primeval cave, complete with hundreds of stalactites. The custodians hated having to get up on ladders to scrape the offending wrappers off, and the school soon replaced the loosely-wrapped straws with others that were tightly wrapped and wouldn’t shoot. Just another episode in the us-versus-them ongoing way of life in all primary and secondary schools.

There are stainless steel and glass straws. Some of the stainless ones are collapsable, so it you really need a straw, you can always carry one of those with you.

When straws are outlawed, only outlaws will have straws … whatever.

I’ve often wondered whether the original straws really were stalks of the straw plant — what would that be? wheat? hay? — that could be used to sip beverages. Seems like that’s where the name would’ve come from. Anyone know? The depth of my ignorance about where my food comes from is staggering.

Clever, Mr Hillburn !!

Cups wearing eyewear? Could this be a jealousy issue? I mean could pottery and plastic cups actually wish that they were glasses. After all, cocktails do taste better in a glass.

Let’s go back to straw straws.

Sorry. I don’t use a lot of them, but I have cold sensitive teeth, so they can pry my straws from my cold, pained teeth. I typically use my straws for days at a time before I replace it.

Ever notice that a straw is pretty much a cheap catheter?

“…and I am the one that broke the camel’s back.”

After watching how cases of six pack cans of soda and beer were handled and especially walked on top of (they ain’t plastic wrapped, folks – and those workboots have seen things), I started using straws. Even before plastic ones were banned I got a set of stainless steel ones with silicone tops. Only a few bucks, really easy to clean & carry, and no metallic taste.

This brought a big smile to my face ;-)