Nancy by Olivia Jaimes for October 11, 2021

Nice try.

Do like I do, leave it in another room where you can’t hear it!

There is an old joke where a patient says “Doctor, it hurts when I do that.”

The doctor says “Don’t do that.”

I’ve noticed that women are particularly unhappy when they are wearing black lipstick. They always look downers and grumpy like they just came back from a funeral. Maybe it has something to do with the chemistry ingredients in the black lipstick.

Yeah, that’s about it…

Or you could, I don’t know, turn the little indefinite off.

ANNOUNCER:

“Oh, how long can trusty Aunt Fritzi hold out?

How can she possibly resist the diabolical urge to check the phone that could erase her very sanity?

Will her tortured mind give in to its uncontrollable desires?

Can she withstand the temptation…

…to check the phone that, even now, beckons her closer?

Will she succumb to the maddening urge to eradicate her sanity?

At the MERE CHECKING of a SINGLE CELLULAR PHONE!

The beeyootiful shiny phone!

The jolly candy-like phone!

Will she hold out, folks?

CAN she hold out?"

AUNT FRITZI:

“NO I CAN’T!!! EEEEYAAAAH!!!”

I don’t believe she is really “unhappy.” She’s exaggerating.

Life is a series of “don’ts”. Ironically, if Fritzi followed this “don’t”, it would make her happier whereas defying “don’ts” is usually fun.

I guess life is also a series of “dos”. In fact, you do so many things that sometimes you have to do them twice. I guess you could say, life is a series of do— you get it.

Whatever it takes. Best bet is to turn off the phone and charge it overnight in a room not your bedroom.

Fritzi, perhaps you’d be happier if Jaimes gave you a nose…!

By the way, that’s a rather large bed for just one person.

Relax, don’t do it… when you want to look at your phone