That is Priceless by Steve Melcher for October 19, 2021

Old Moshe wanted to get a head start in putting all the clocks and watches back on standard time.

Ivan working overtime.

My mensch Mendl’ll mend any ticker. / As a clockmaker, no one is slicker. / Broken wall-clock or watch? / His repairs are top-notch. / But he can’t set the time. (Too much liquor.)

Father Time’s Family reunion

“I give up! I’ll never figure out how to make a reliable time-delayed bomb detonator. Maybe if I just shove a rag into a bottle of gasoline…” thought Molotov.

“All things well-designed had a designer; / if refined, then it had a refiner.” / Some believe, (though it’s odd), / in a “Clockmaker God.” / Reject Darwin for something Diviner.

This is timely.

Oh, look ! It’s the old clock sucker !/ A beloved figure we all know/ who Ikes to get tight/ almost every night/ with the old lamplight/-er from long, long ago…/// sometimes it’s a party of three/ and you know who the third guy must be../ it isn’t Chet Baker/ or a lost L.A. Laker/ ..it’s “that Little Old Winemaker – me!”

In Soviet Russia, people had a lot of time on their hands. But this guy toke it too far.

Soooo…that’s why it was running backwards. Someone put the battery in upside down!

oldster struggling with the initial setup of his new iPocketwatch….

He’ll pocket the most profit from this repair, but he’s getting tired of sitting around making faces all day.

Yitzhak, searching for god in all the wrong places.

If being a clockmaker is so divine, then why does my back hurt?

Looks like he’s got time on his hands.

Finally! I took this fershlugginer watch apart when I was five years old, and I finally got it back together! Wouldn’t Papa be proud!

The old man’s work, so patient, so fine / Never rushing, for that were a crime / Approached true perfection / Without need of correction / For the piece held the fullness of time.

He’s not merely “one of the masses”/ for, no matter how much time passes,/ he continues unaided/ (though perhaps somewhat faded)/ to function without needing glasses !

Let’s see, I drank the whole bottle of vodka and chased it with some cocaine, then I lost 4 hours, maybe they are in here..

“How can you tell what time it is?”

“I add the two on the wall together and divide by six.”

Why are none of the clocks showing the same time?

“This time I’m not missing the next episode of The Golden Girls.”

“The release of atomic power has changed everything except our way of thinking. The solution to this problem lies in the heart of mankind. If only I had known, I should have become a watchmaker. Also, I think I’d let my beard grow out.”

- Albert Einstein

“I can’t seem to get that Chicago song out of my head.”

Old man: All day it’s tic toc..tic toc…why can’t it be toc tic..toc tic?

Time is not on his side.

Basil’s brilliant bezels bespoke better barrels, bridges, and balances beneath.

Ultimately, the only tools Manny needed was a rock and something with which to order a new clock from Amazon.

♫ He’s got the time, we’ve got the beer…Miller Beer. "♪ ♫

Old Moshe was born in the shtetl/ but he just wasn’t willing to settle/ for the fragrant allure/ of a life in manure/ so he moved on to working with metal./// The village folks thought he was “mental”-/ (the smart one was his sister Yentl)/ True, he didn’t much care/ for timepiece repair/ but it smelled a lot better than dental../// Now Moshe is aged and infirm/ and approaching the end of his term/ but he works every day/ and he likes it that way/ for it fends off the Conqueror Worm…

His customers thought him a dunce,

but Oswald stuck by his guns.

Each clock on the wall

had a different time, all

to stop all chimes ringing at once!

The Clockmaker or The Watchmaker: 

https://commons.wikimedia.org/wiki/File:Yehuda_Pen-The_Clockmaker.jpg 

(best viewed with Google Chrome, which can automatically translate most webpages as necessary) has info and links that point to more info about this painting.

Again, a larger strip image is shown by (⌘- or Ctrl-) clicking the image at 

http://thatispriceless.blogspot.com/2021/10/masterpiece-2811.html 

I have added a comment there (awaiting Mr. Melcher’s approval) pointing to the artist info I used to point to here. First work by this artist used here.

“It’s just amazing how much C4 will fit in a pocket watch.”

Johuda misunderstood the guard as having said, “Drop your socks, and grab your clocks.”

mr. lavine, found out that people don’t use wind up watches much anymore, so he started making bomb parts for ISSi. much better pay.

“My grandfather’s watch was the best ever made

By the Timex company.

It’s the same watch John Cameron Swayze displayed

Last night on the old TV.

Oh, it works underwater so perfectly,

And it still makes a ticking sound;

Which my grandfather tried only this afternoon,

And that’s how the old man drowned.

- Alan Sherman

Gestapo officer turned clock repairman, to a clock that only goes “Tick”: Ve haf vays to make you tock!"

If you make the clock correctly the first time, you’ll never have to come back for seconds.

Q: Why did the clockmaker throw his spice rack out the window?

A: He wanted to see thyme fly.

Even broken and stopped clocks, they say, / show correctly the time twice each day. / But when he gets them going, / (by speeding or slowing), / that brief accuracy goes away.

“At the Academy, they laughed when I said we could put Mickey Mouse on a watch. They called me MAD! But I’ll show them. I will show them all!”

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=5XcKBmdfpWs

After getting a bad conduct discharge from the army, and failing at being a model; he didn’t know what to do. He didn’t care much for school, so really didn’t learn anything. His father pulled strings to get him a job as a watch repairman; which he (somehow) did for the rest of his days.