Ripley's Believe It or Not by Ripley’s Believe It or Not! for November 15, 2021

GENERAL NOTICE: I can’t wait to see what Jason does with the sloth story…

Just imagine all that pie that 981.57-kg gourd could make and handfuls of its seeds to roast.

The algae on the sloth’s fur helps camouflage them in the trees.

The immensely wealthy Russian landowner summoned Malbim, his Jewish business agent, and said to him, “Here are twenty-five rubles; I want you to buy me a dachshund.”

“May it please Your Excellency,” answered Malbim promptly, “but you cannot possibly obtain a first-class dachshund for so small a sum. I would have to pay twice as much as that. Take my advice; give me fifty rubles and Il buy you a dachshund you can really be proud of.”

“Very well,” agreed the nobleman. "Here are twenty-five more rubles. But remember, it must be the best in all the land, as befits my station in life.

Your worries are over, Excellency," Malbim assured him confidently. “Just leave everything to me”

Malbim turned to leave, when a sudden thought occurred to him. He hesitated, and then asked apologetically:

“A thousand pardons, Your Excellency, but tell me, what is a dachshund?”

Since Erom brought it up.

A Jewish couple is sitting together on an airplane flying to The Far East. Suddenly, over the public address system, the Captain announces, “Ladies and Gentlemen, I am afraid I have some very bad news. All our engines are out and this plane will be going down. Luckily, I see an uncharted island below us that should be able to let us land. However, the odds are that we will never be rescued and will have to live on the island for the rest of our lives.”

A few minutes later the plane lands safely on the island. Morris turns to his wife and asks, “Esther, did we pay our pledge to the yeshiva yet?”

“No, Morris,” she responds.

Morris smiles and then asks, “Esther, did we pay our UJA pledge?”

“Oy, no! I haven’t sent the check,” she says.

Now Morris laughs out loud: "One last thing, Esther. Did you remember to send our Temple Building Fund check this month, " he asks?

“Oy, Morris, I haven’t sent that one, either,” says Esther.

Now, Morris is practically choking with laughter. Esther asks Morris, “So, no? What are you smiling and laughing about?”

Morris answers confidently, “They’ll find us.”

Its not so much that Todd and Donna Skinner raised a 2,164 pound squash but why. Todd and Donna don’t have much of a social life.

And many of those sloths work for the DMV.

Take care, may hated driver license portrait taker Heather “This Will Be Perfect For the Pub Dart Board” McFord be with you, and gesundheit.

How did they weigh the squash?

And now you know why I will never have a sloth for a household pet! ;o{

Well , if my friend Steverino didn’t offend and I hope he didn’t, because, if not ,then maybe this one won’t either! Two gay men are standing on the Brooklyn Bridge watching the ships pass under and one of them says to the other “What kind of boat is that?” His friend replies “That’s a Ferry boat!” “Really says the friend!” I knew our type had grown in numbers but, I didn’t realize we had our own Navy!" Did I mention the friend was blonde! Did I go too far with that last part? Sorry! Jofers out!

Wish the sloth was on the giant squash. Then all three facts would’ve interacted with each other! SlothSquash!

Jason Snake Lover has entire ecosystems living in his 3,000 pound orange squash except for the JSL Moth, which lives in his poop.

I’ll be more impressed with the sloth when those ecosystems start building hiways and a motel 6

I’m a little late this morning, but better late than never. Usually.

A man loses his hat and decides the easiest way to get another one is to steal it. He goes to the church cloakroom to get a hat. A sermon about the Ten Commandments was going on. The man pauses to listen and then changes his mind. On nearing the exit, he runs into the pastor.

He says, “I came here with sin in my heart. I must say, you saved me from crime.”

The pastor replies, “That’s nice to hear. What sin were you about to commit?”

The man replies, “I came here to steal a hat, but your sermon made me change my mind.”

The priest says, “May I know what part of my sermon made you see the error of your ways?”

The man replies, “When you reached the ‘Thou shalt not commit adultery’ part, I suddenly remembered where I left my hat.”

Until next time.

I just learned a lot more about Sloths than I ever cared to know.

You know some factoids are better left unknown.

The moral of the story is that if you practice the seventh deadly sin, you get fungi, algae and insects.

In Illinois, those of us who work have entire eco-systems living off of our taxes…

Sam Sloth: “I am NOT a deadly sin!”

I wonder why sloths find it necessary to go to the ground to poop? It exposes them to more danger. They could just let fly from the tree branches and poop all over jaguars and the like.

Note to self…scratch the Sloth off the potential pets list.