That is Priceless by Steve Melcher for November 18, 2021

My original post back in 2018:

“Not only are your grades horrible but that baggy green dress isn’t hiding your pregnancy."

Arthur: “This doctor’s bill is for booty implants. WTH?”

Josephine: “Bustles harshed my hustle.”

Desdemona: “Can they do anything for my piano bench legs?”

Josephine: “I … I have to tell you, mom and dad. I’m actually a guy.”

Desdemona: "But all those times I changed your diapers … "

Josephine: “I was lying.”

Both her parents suspected that Claire / had been having a torrid affair. / In distress and despair / they confronted their heir. / Searched her rooms— proof was hidden somewhere. /// Her attempt to conceal it was shoddy. / Her first love letter, written by Roddy, / a depraved, married cad. / Her folks knew this was bad; / Rod reveals where he’d hid his wife’s body.

What? You were admitted to Oxford? You mean you applied to University without asking Father’s permission?

Marjorie? What are these letters? Are they from your admirers? I am very disappointed – the grammar is atrocious, and the spelling is positively antediluvian

Sir Mix-a-Lot’s Great Grandpa, the Earl of Mix-a-Lot, liked big bustles, he could not lie…the other Gentry can’t deny…

She had written this note as a hustle. / To hire two turbaned men to be “muscle.” / Smuggling pure Dexedrine / inside pillows of green / which she wore, well concealed, as a bustle.

(Apologies to Running Buffalo for appropriating your shtick.)

“This vile letter is proof you’re a sinner. / And have been for some time— no beginner.” / More than sin, Father loathes / wearing casual clothes / after six, so they all change for dinner.

Mom and Dad the moment they realise that Boopsy doesn’t have her bustle on incorrectly; she’s actually 4 months pregnant.

She’s a stripper?? That act must take all evening.

“I’m telling you it’s a guy. Here’s the receipt for that dress he bought last week.”

You’re having us committed? Just because we won’t move back your curfew?!

Pictures from eHarmony? And you still in mourning!

When Lydia leaves for the “tryst”/ (the tryst that’s the last on her list)/ she draws on the gloves /(the gloves that she loves)/ that protect her delicate wrist/// It’s the wrist that she skillfully plies/ to produce the “ecstasified” cries/ from aristocrats bleating/ with delight at the beating/ that they otherwise might have missed../// they pay handsomely for the session/ which they claim is extremely refreshin’/ for it lightens the guilt/ for the fortunes they’ve built/ with their odious wealth obsession./// She tells mother she’s off to play Whist/ (mother wishes that she would desist)/ and poor father protests/ that she’s risking arrest/ while he futilely flails his fist../// But Lydia’s earnings sustain/ her family’s crumbling domain:/ she exploits the hypocrisy/ of a sick aristocracy:/ she’s making a living from pain../// Nobody gives Lydia lip:/and it isn’t for fear of her whip./ London’s living in fear/ lest that list appear/- that it slip from Lydia’s grip..

Wait son, are you telling me she is not wearing a bustle?

♫Gimme a ticket for an aeroplane Ain’t got time to take a fast train Lonely days are gone, I’m a-goin’ home My baby, just a wrote me a letter♫

Oh, please. You can tell she’s a stripper by the way she dresses.

First love letter: 

https://commons.wikimedia.org/wiki/File:Quitton_First_love_letter.jpg 

(best viewed using Google Chrome, which can translate most webpages if necessary) has info and links that point to more info about this roughly jumbo envelope size painting.

Again, a larger strip image is shown by (⌘- or Ctrl-) clicking the image at 

http://thatispriceless.blogspot.com/2018/01/masterpiece-1874.html 

I have added a comment there (awaiting Mr. Melcher’s approval) pointing to the artist info I used to point to here. First work by this artist used here (2 times total, including this Throwback Thursday repeat). 

https://www.gocomics.com/that-is-priceless/2018/01/30?comments=visible 

has the first time this was used here (this time, I was able to find a little info about the artist, pointed to by the here in my blog entry comment).

Beth, after a horrible accident in the transporter with a desk.

George (in green dress) wanted his parents to know he came out, but they were not surprised after what they found in his room.

Wow! He must really love you! A love letter … and 4 pictures? Do you have any idea how much it costs to have your picture taken?