Hello, Ripsters! Before you read tonight’s offering, count slowly to ten. I think I’m going to need to get a head start out of here after this extremely hirsute chestnut:
Ferdinand Feghoot (longtime Sci-Fi fen will recognize the name) was traveling through time and space, as was his wont, when he landed on a planet inhabited by big, furry creatures. Using his Acme translator, he was able to communicate with these beings, who, it turned out, referred to themselves as “Furries.”
Naturally, our hero wanted to meet with the leader of the Furries, so he eloquently said, “Take me to your leader.” They proceeded to take him into the presence of a gigantic Furry, who had what looked for all the world to be a hypodermic needle on its head.
“THIS is your leader?” Ferdinand asked, incredulously.
“Yes, indeed,” he was told. “That’s the Furry with the syringe on top.”
Humans (homo sapiens, to be precise) evolved such relatively-large brains too quickly for our pelvises to adjust, so by the standards of most mammals we’re actually born prematurely. That’s why human infants are so fragile and weak for so long, while animals like horses can practically walk straight out of the womb.
I’d be careful Pocahontas waving that feather too close to that elephants nose. Imagine the sensation Mama would feel having a baby elephant sneezing inside of her!!
Sorry to be so late this morning. So here’s two to make up for it.
I thought that golf joke I delivered yesterday would be enough to discourage more, but I guess not. OK, so here’s one that’s not so bad.
A man walked into the clubhouse and noticed a friend sitting in a corner wearing a neck brace. He sat down and asked his mate what happened. “Well, I was playing golf and I hit my ball into the rough,” replied his friend. “Then I met a lady who was looking for her ball too. Finding mine, I thought I’d give her a hand. There was a cow nearby and I noticed that every time the cow twitched its tail there was a flash of white. So I went over to it and lifted its tail and sure enough there was the ball. I called out to the lady, ‘Ma’am, does this look like yours?’ And she hit me in the neck with her driver!”
OK, I’m going to slow things down a little bit now. Here’s one you could tell your kids or grandkids without embarrassment.
A little girl was at her first golf lesson when she asked an interesting question.
Q: “Is the word spelled P-U-T or P-U-T-T?” She asked her instructor.
A: “P-U-T-T is correct,” the instructor replied.
“P-U-T means to place a thing where you want it. “P-U-T-T merely means a futile attempt to do the same thing.”
I was fully prepared not to believe that the elephant had the longest gestational period of any mammal. AHA! I thought. RBION forgot about the whales, the biggest creatures on Earth. So I did a Google search. Dang! I was wrong. Gestational periods for whales range from 274 days for the Dwarf Sperm Whale to up to 18 months for the Orca (Killer Whale). Elephants are wonderfully smart animals, so maybe they need that extra time in utero to make sure their wonderful brains develop properly. As I write this I am surrounded by Elephants, my wife’s collection of over 100 wooden, plastic, glass and ceramic Elephants, and even a silver coin with an elephant on it. The oldest ones are about 100 years old, made of wood, and brought back from Burma (now known as Myanmar) by my Great-Uncle who was a missionary there in the early 20th Century.
Well, why doesn’t some smart scientist identify the hamster’s gene that causes their alcohol tolerance, and then figure out how to transplant it to humans. As Martha Stewart would say, it would be a good thing.
And by the time she had reached the age depicted in the first movie she would have been dead. Her, and Rolfe’s, descendants still have influence in Virginia.
eromlig almost 3 years ago
Hello, Ripsters! Before you read tonight’s offering, count slowly to ten. I think I’m going to need to get a head start out of here after this extremely hirsute chestnut:
Ferdinand Feghoot (longtime Sci-Fi fen will recognize the name) was traveling through time and space, as was his wont, when he landed on a planet inhabited by big, furry creatures. Using his Acme translator, he was able to communicate with these beings, who, it turned out, referred to themselves as “Furries.”
Naturally, our hero wanted to meet with the leader of the Furries, so he eloquently said, “Take me to your leader.” They proceeded to take him into the presence of a gigantic Furry, who had what looked for all the world to be a hypodermic needle on its head.
“THIS is your leader?” Ferdinand asked, incredulously.
“Yes, indeed,” he was told. “That’s the Furry with the syringe on top.”
monkeysky almost 3 years ago
Humans (homo sapiens, to be precise) evolved such relatively-large brains too quickly for our pelvises to adjust, so by the standards of most mammals we’re actually born prematurely. That’s why human infants are so fragile and weak for so long, while animals like horses can practically walk straight out of the womb.
Copy-&-Paste almost 3 years ago
I’d be careful Pocahontas waving that feather too close to that elephants nose. Imagine the sensation Mama would feel having a baby elephant sneezing inside of her!!
therese_callahan2002 almost 3 years ago
I guess Disney wouldn’t have had much success if they’d called the movie Amonute.
davidob almost 3 years ago
It’s enough to Curly your hair.
Flynn White Premium Member almost 3 years ago
One day for a change SteveSilver said he had a very small scary story, and in Spanish. He called it: Poco-haunt-us…
Huckleberry Hiroshima almost 3 years ago
And John Smith’s nickname was Hagg Yammerfleep Koloshefennhyde.
Take care, may smiley button collector Judy “The Whole World Smiles With Gas” Whitnord be with you, and gesundheit.
Charlie Fogwhistle almost 3 years ago
Sorry to be so late this morning. So here’s two to make up for it.
I thought that golf joke I delivered yesterday would be enough to discourage more, but I guess not. OK, so here’s one that’s not so bad.
A man walked into the clubhouse and noticed a friend sitting in a corner wearing a neck brace. He sat down and asked his mate what happened. “Well, I was playing golf and I hit my ball into the rough,” replied his friend. “Then I met a lady who was looking for her ball too. Finding mine, I thought I’d give her a hand. There was a cow nearby and I noticed that every time the cow twitched its tail there was a flash of white. So I went over to it and lifted its tail and sure enough there was the ball. I called out to the lady, ‘Ma’am, does this look like yours?’ And she hit me in the neck with her driver!”
OK, I’m going to slow things down a little bit now. Here’s one you could tell your kids or grandkids without embarrassment.
A little girl was at her first golf lesson when she asked an interesting question.
Q: “Is the word spelled P-U-T or P-U-T-T?” She asked her instructor.
A: “P-U-T-T is correct,” the instructor replied.
“P-U-T means to place a thing where you want it. “P-U-T-T merely means a futile attempt to do the same thing.”
Until next time.
Charlie Fogwhistle almost 3 years ago
I was fully prepared not to believe that the elephant had the longest gestational period of any mammal. AHA! I thought. RBION forgot about the whales, the biggest creatures on Earth. So I did a Google search. Dang! I was wrong. Gestational periods for whales range from 274 days for the Dwarf Sperm Whale to up to 18 months for the Orca (Killer Whale). Elephants are wonderfully smart animals, so maybe they need that extra time in utero to make sure their wonderful brains develop properly. As I write this I am surrounded by Elephants, my wife’s collection of over 100 wooden, plastic, glass and ceramic Elephants, and even a silver coin with an elephant on it. The oldest ones are about 100 years old, made of wood, and brought back from Burma (now known as Myanmar) by my Great-Uncle who was a missionary there in the early 20th Century.
Jethro Flatline almost 3 years ago
I hear that miniature giant space hamsters can really put them back, too.
WCraft Premium Member almost 3 years ago
So the longer version was her “nickname?” That would be like saying someone’s real name is Beth but their nickname is Elizabeth…
stamps almost 3 years ago
Lio could have just read this strip instead of calling Babar.
Jogger2 almost 3 years ago
And when John Smith and other colonists arrived, Pocahantas was a girl, not a young woman.
mindjob almost 3 years ago
Next time I go out drinking, I’m bringing along dwarf hamsters as designated drivers
Templo S.U.D. almost 3 years ago
Just imagine: Disney film Amonute (still with Vanessa L. Williams singing “Colors of the Wind”).
Buckeye67 almost 3 years ago
Well, why doesn’t some smart scientist identify the hamster’s gene that causes their alcohol tolerance, and then figure out how to transplant it to humans. As Martha Stewart would say, it would be a good thing.
Teto85 Premium Member almost 3 years ago
And by the time she had reached the age depicted in the first movie she would have been dead. Her, and Rolfe’s, descendants still have influence in Virginia.
6turtle9 almost 3 years ago
You’ve got to be pretty hard up to try and get a hamster drunk. Richard Gere?
pbr50138 almost 3 years ago
I’d be more impressed with the hamster story, if I knew what the American measurement of 1.5 liters was.