Ripley's Believe It or Not by Ripley’s Believe It or Not! for February 16, 2022

Greetings, fellow Ripley Believers! I was absent last night because, well, it was Valentine’s Day, and I hold a certain office of which I hope to remain Incumbent. Enough said? Needless to say, I’m doing MUCH better now…SO I’m posting my favorite Shaggy Dog tonight. Enjoy The Ides Of February!

A man wants to go on an exotic vacation, so he goes to his travel agent. “Tahiti? The Bahamas? Bora Bora?” but none of these destinations are especially appealing, so he goes away. He searches the city, going from travel agency to travel agency, but he can’t find a truly exotic destination. Finally, on a dead-end street, he comes into a small travel agency, where he’s told, “I can put you in a resort on a distant island, where, in the jungle just beyond, the drums never stop.” Well, “drums never stop” resonates with the man, and he signs up for the trip. The next day, he finds himself on an airliner headed to a distant continent; the day after that he’s on a small outlying island…and soon he’s on an outrigger with his luggage, being rowed by a native. But he can see the island, a distant speck on the horizon, and very faintly he hears the drums: boom-ba, boom-ba, boom-ba. When the outrigger reaches the shore he jumps out and excitedly runs into the resort. The drums are quite loud now: BOOM-BA, BOOM-BA, BOOM-BA. He asks the man at the front desk, “Is it really true? The drums never stop?”

“Ya, Sah, drums nevah stop!” the clerk tells him. The man is overjoyed. He checks in, has dinner and dessert, all the while listening to the drums. Finally it was bedtime…and he realizes there’s a problem: the drums were so loud, he couldn’t get to sleep. He tries closing the window, he tries putting the pillow over his head – still no good. So he goes back to the front desk and asks again, “Do the drums never stop?”

“No, Sah, drums nevah stop.”

“But I can’t get to sleep! Can’t the drums stop for just a few hours?”

“No, Sah! Drums nevah stop. Drums MUST nevah stop. Very bad, very bad if drums stop!”

“Why? What happens if the drums stop?” The clerk looks around, frightened, and responds in a voice barely above a whisper:

“Bass solo!”

Ten million bottle caps from one Heins Haland would be how much in weight? (Is that AUD$1,700 being US$1,217.37 or is that USD$1,700 being AUD$2,374.02?)

Without further Ado,

A couple are having dinner at a nice restaurant. A lovely young woman walks up to the table, kisses the man on the cheek, and says, “See you later, sweetie” before walking away. The wife is livid.

“Who the hell was that, and what did she mean about seeing you later?”

“That’s just my mistress, Laura.”

“You have a mistress, and she has the nerve to walk up to us in public? This is unforgivable. I want a divorce.”

“Honey, she means nothing to me. Just a bit of harmless fun. I love you and I want us to live a long life together.”

“Not after the way you humiliated me tonight.”

“Look, I’ll make sure that she doesn’t do anything like that again.”

“You mean you’re going to see her again?”

“Of course.”

“Divorce.”

“You need to think this through. We have a prenup. If we divorce, you’ll be comfortable, but at a very different level. No more taking the jet to Paris for shopping. No more beach house, no more cruises on the yacht. Even dinners like this won’t be common.”

She is quiet for a while, then she says, “Isn’t that Ted from the club? Who’s he with? It isn’t Stella.”

“That’s Ted’s mistress. I think her name is Kristy or Krissy or something like that.”

“Hmm. Ours is prettier.”

I’m pretty sure Mrs. Fogwhistle wouldn’t be that understanding. My body would probably never be found.

Until next time.

If that picture of the real estate sign is true, how did they know that the house it came from was waterfront? If could’ve come from any house the realtor sold.

Bordeaux, France as opposed to a beach in Bordeaux XXXXXXXX? You know, the other one that everyone is familiar with.

I don’t know what the minimum hourly wage in Austria is, but I bet Heiland made less than it.

There’s a few apartment buildings I’ve lived in where I probably could have collected that many bottlecaps from the parking lots in about 3 years.

So our dear Nappy spawned the blood line of the first e-reader.

Take care, may Canadian high technology enthusiast Cynthia “You Can Call Them ‘Rubber Bands’ All You Want But They’re ‘Elastics’ Here In The Great White North” O’Shutupord be with you, and gesundheit.

A Tal Wilkenfeld bass solo would be OK with me.

I think Hans should consider AA…..

Another Ripley’s submission of people without a life.

And the property the real estate sign was advertising WAS STILL FOR SALE!

And when the French called the number to inquire about the property, they found it had already tripled in price….

Wow, Napoleon must have had great eyesight to read those books. Too bad he didn’t have foresight about Waterloo

Hans, what the hell were you thinking?

I certainly hope that real estate sign had +1 in front of the phone number!!!

That many bottle caps in 5 years is roughly 5400+ beers per day. NBD

Assuming they all were standard 12.68 oz. Belgian beer bottles that would be 126,800,000 oz. Must have been Schaefer… When you’re having more than one!

Enough with these washed up on shore stories. It’s not uncommon.

Makes sense since napoleon was a miniaturized person…

Small books for a small man. Cool.