Ripley's Believe It or Not by Ripley’s Believe It or Not! for March 22, 2022

On gocomics, one attempts to keep one’s language – and topics – “family friendly” as it were. And besides, classics deserve re-telling; who among us hasn’t re-read Huckleberry Finn as an adult, or even Doctor Seuss? (If you haven’t shame on you! Five Hail Marys and five HopOnPops.)

And with that irreverent genesis, I offer the following:

Two men are out hiking when one of them encounters a rattlesnake, which bites him on the foot. (Told you…) His buddy makes sure he’s comfortable; then high-tails it to the doctor’s office to ask what he should do.

“You have to suck the poison out,” says the physician. So the guy goes back to his friend on the trail.

“What did the doctor say?” the friend asks.

“The doctor said you’re gonna die.”

Parker was one of many “street dentists”, although later in history than most, and he actually did attend dental school. Apparently, for pain, he applied his own dilutions of whiskey and cocaine, and when he was threatened with a false-advertisement lawsuit for “Painless Dentistry”, he avoided it by legally changing his name to Painless. By the end of his life, he actually ran an extremely successful chain of official dentists’ offices.

Yes, I did just take these facts from his Wikipedia page:

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Painless_Parker

Jews, Catholics, Atheists and others have all drawn attention here, but why not the UU’s (Unitarian Universalists)? Let’s see how many religions we can target in one joke!

A group of Christians are tasked with changing a lightbulb.

The Charismatic changes it easily; his hands are already up.

The Roman Catholic refuses; he prefers candles.

The Pentecostal changes it while his friends pray against the Lord of Darkness.

The Christian Scientist can’t do it him/her self, but prays for the light to turn back on.

The Calvinist refuses; God has predestined when the light will be on.

The Episcopalian changes the lightbulb while his friends say how much they liked the old one.

The Mormon tries to change it as five wives tell him how to do it right.

The Presbyterian changes the lightbulb, gets it approved by three committees, and then they all eat some casserole.

The Lutheran refuses: he doesn’t believe in change.

The Unitarian chooses not to make a statement either in favor of, or against, the need for a lightbulb. However, if in your own journey you have found that lightbulbs work for you, you are encouraged to create a poem or modern dance about your personal relationship with the lightbulb, and present it next Sunday when we will explore a number of lightbulb traditions including incandescent, fluorescent, halogen, compact fluorescent, low-pressure sodium, and LED, all of which are equally valid paths to luminescence.

Until next time.

One more? Oh, all right.

What do you get when you cross a Jehovah’s Witness with a Unitarian?

Someone who knocks on your door at 6 a.m. for no reason.

Until a longer next time.

My old parakeets loved those cuttlefish bones. I never knew they were such strikingly attractive fish.

Binary multiplication is a real bit-ch.

Won’t most people “believe” Edgar’s one as thousands of these roamed the world for centuries?

In 8th grade there was a girl pupil who could make herself into a W shape. We called her Wanda, but her name was Maureen.

Take care, may floundering circus tightrope walker Eddie “OW!” Slipnord be with you, and gesundheit.

What am I missing on the calculator fact? Running out of interesting stuff?

1.234567898765432e+16

Is a cuttlefish something you get at Red Lobster?

A guy walks into a dental office and says to the dentist, “I think I’m a moth.”

The dentist says, “Well you should see a psychiatrist!”

The man replies, “I already am.”

So the dentist asks, “Well, what are you doing here then?”

The man says, “Your light was on.”

Mr.Randolph took up dentistry after seeing Bob Hope in THE PALEFACE—1948

Man goes to a psychiatrist’s office and says—“My wife needs help.She thinks she’s a piano”

The psychiatrist says—“Well,bring her into the office and I’ll have a look at her”.

And the man says—“Are you kidding?Do you know how hard it is to move a piano all by yourself?”

Ref 111, I didn’t know that!

I wondered how Painless Parker could make his claim, so I looked it up and found this: According to the BBC, he would give his patients an injection of watered-down cocaine before pulling the tooth. This ensured that they wouldn’t feel a thing and Parker never had to pay. He dubbed himself “Painless Parker,” a nickname that would be with him for the rest of his life. Soon he was making enough money to support himself.

Read More: https://www.grunge.com/467538/painless-parker-the-crazy-true-story-of-the-weirdest-dentist-in-history/?utm_campaign=clip

The cuttlefish’s unique eyes allow it to see forward and backward at the same time. It’s optical neurological wiring must be fascinating.

that’s a standard way of checking your calculator. enter any number of 1’s ,multiply by same number and answer will be number of 1’s111 × 111 =12321

Every time I hear the word Cuttlefish, It reminds me of an episode of South Park.

I knew about 111,111,111. I also know this works for any number consisting of only 1’s from 1-111,111,111. You count the number of 1’s in the number, write that as you middle number and than count down to one on both sides. 11,111,111^2 = 123,456,787,654,321. Numbers consisting of 10 1’s and higher sort of do the same thing, but there is additional math that must be done.