A man encounters a beautiful young woman on a New York pier, weeping. “What’s wrong?” he asks.
“I vant to go back to Romania,” she tells him. “But I haff no money for passage.”
“This is your lucky day, Miss,” he replies. “It just so happened I work on a ship. Wait ‘til tonight and I’ll smuggle you aboard and hide you in a lifeboat.”
“But how vill I ever repay for your kindness?”
“Oh, I’m sure you’ll think of SOMEthing,” he smirks. So at the appointed hour, she comes to the pier, and he stealthily brings her aboard, hiding her inside a lifeboat. The days pass, and when night falls, he brings her food and drink…and takes full advantage of her nubile charms, night after night.
After about a month, the ship’s captain is strolling the deck when he hears a noise, investigates, and finds the beautiful young stowaway. Demanding an explanation, he listens as she tells him about the sailor who is helping her get home to Romania. “He brings me food and drink every night,” she tells the captain.
“Is that all?” he asks.
“Vell…he is screwing me,” she admits.
The captain shakes his head. “He sure is, Lady. This is the Staten Island Ferry!”
A Little Old Lady is Pulled Over in Texas. When the Officer approaches the window, he shines a light into the car and sees that she has a little .22 caliber pistol in the coin tray under her dashboard.
The officer says: “Ma’am, would you please unload and hand me your firearm for the duration of this stop to ensure everyone’s safety?”
The old lady replies: “Absolutely, officer. Here you go”, and gently hands him the pistol.
The officer then says: “Ma’am, may I please have your license and registration?”
The old lady hands him her license but then pauses and says: “Before I open the glove box to get my registration, I should tell you I also keep a 9mm pistol in there as well.”
The officer asks if his partner can retrieve the pistol from the glove box before she reaches in for the registration and the little old lady agrees again.
License and registration in hand, the officer turns to walk back to his cruiser. Two steps in, he turns around and walks back to the woman.
“Ma’am, may I ask if you have any more firearms in this vehicle today?”
The old lady replies: “Why yes, dear. I also have a .357 in the center console, and a 12 gauge shotgun under the passenger seat.”
The officer looks at her shocked and asks: “Ma’am, what exactly are you so afraid of??”
The little old lady smiles sweetly and says: “With all of this? Not a gol-darned thing!”
On the way home, he rang his son to make sure he had all the groceries they needed at home. He told him all they needed was some coffee, so Arnold went in to his local store to get some.
On the way to the checkout tills, he passed all the Easter eggs the store had, and it brought back memories of his first Easters as a dad, and the joy of seeing his children getting Easter eggs. He decided he’d recreate the magic, given the year everyone is having.
The cashier saw all the eggs and chocolate he was buying, and couldn’t help but ask why he was buying nearly all the store’s Easter eggs and chocolate.
Arnold simply responded, “I still love Easter, baby.”
I just deleted my earlier comment; there were a couple of irrelevant replies. Anyway, don’t hit a guy wearing glasses, like that fellow above is doing!
Templo S.U.D. over 2 years ago
Where is the other 40% of the world’s geysers?
How does once win Arnold’s slapping? when the slapped can no longer feel their cheeks?
eromlig over 2 years ago
A man encounters a beautiful young woman on a New York pier, weeping. “What’s wrong?” he asks.
“I vant to go back to Romania,” she tells him. “But I haff no money for passage.”
“This is your lucky day, Miss,” he replies. “It just so happened I work on a ship. Wait ‘til tonight and I’ll smuggle you aboard and hide you in a lifeboat.”
“But how vill I ever repay for your kindness?”
“Oh, I’m sure you’ll think of SOMEthing,” he smirks. So at the appointed hour, she comes to the pier, and he stealthily brings her aboard, hiding her inside a lifeboat. The days pass, and when night falls, he brings her food and drink…and takes full advantage of her nubile charms, night after night.
After about a month, the ship’s captain is strolling the deck when he hears a noise, investigates, and finds the beautiful young stowaway. Demanding an explanation, he listens as she tells him about the sailor who is helping her get home to Romania. “He brings me food and drink every night,” she tells the captain.
“Is that all?” he asks.
“Vell…he is screwing me,” she admits.
The captain shakes his head. “He sure is, Lady. This is the Staten Island Ferry!”
fuzzbucket Premium Member over 2 years ago
I wonder where Arnie got the idea?
zerotvus over 2 years ago
I once hit a squirrel with a rock. right in the butt! think I can the world record book?
Jeffin Premium Member over 2 years ago
I’ll be….Ack!
Saddenedby Premium Member over 2 years ago
and who says Rnald isn’t sensitive – lol
tee929 over 2 years ago
I was thinking of Hans and Franz wanting to “slap you up”.
Charlie Fogwhistle over 2 years ago
A Little Old Lady is Pulled Over in Texas. When the Officer approaches the window, he shines a light into the car and sees that she has a little .22 caliber pistol in the coin tray under her dashboard.
The officer says: “Ma’am, would you please unload and hand me your firearm for the duration of this stop to ensure everyone’s safety?”
The old lady replies: “Absolutely, officer. Here you go”, and gently hands him the pistol.
The officer then says: “Ma’am, may I please have your license and registration?”
The old lady hands him her license but then pauses and says: “Before I open the glove box to get my registration, I should tell you I also keep a 9mm pistol in there as well.”
The officer asks if his partner can retrieve the pistol from the glove box before she reaches in for the registration and the little old lady agrees again.
License and registration in hand, the officer turns to walk back to his cruiser. Two steps in, he turns around and walks back to the woman.
“Ma’am, may I ask if you have any more firearms in this vehicle today?”
The old lady replies: “Why yes, dear. I also have a .357 in the center console, and a 12 gauge shotgun under the passenger seat.”
The officer looks at her shocked and asks: “Ma’am, what exactly are you so afraid of??”
The little old lady smiles sweetly and says: “With all of this? Not a gol-darned thing!”
Until next time.
FassEddie over 2 years ago
Arnold Schwarzenegger was in the city one day.
On the way home, he rang his son to make sure he had all the groceries they needed at home. He told him all they needed was some coffee, so Arnold went in to his local store to get some.
On the way to the checkout tills, he passed all the Easter eggs the store had, and it brought back memories of his first Easters as a dad, and the joy of seeing his children getting Easter eggs. He decided he’d recreate the magic, given the year everyone is having.
The cashier saw all the eggs and chocolate he was buying, and couldn’t help but ask why he was buying nearly all the store’s Easter eggs and chocolate.
Arnold simply responded, “I still love Easter, baby.”
He is risen, y’all!
Huckleberry Hiroshima over 2 years ago
And don’t forget that “slap” is “pals” backward.
Take care, may avoided gym rat Tony “Deodorant And Soap Cause Cancer” Peeyuuord be with you, and gesundheit.
Caldonia over 2 years ago
I just deleted my earlier comment; there were a couple of irrelevant replies. Anyway, don’t hit a guy wearing glasses, like that fellow above is doing!
The Duke over 2 years ago
I’d be more impressed if Saul solved the Rubik’s cubes while hopping on the pogo stick.
Bilan over 2 years ago
Did Saul actually come up with the idea, I wonder how many Rubik’s cubes I can solve while balancing on a pogo stick?
dv1093 over 2 years ago
Waiting for the Will Smith jokes.
Deogheh over 2 years ago
Did Will Smith get his training there?
stamps over 2 years ago
When I was 15 years old, I solved 212 Rubiks cubes while parachuting from Mt Everest in my underwear while riding a bicycle.
198.23.5.11 over 2 years ago
I will hazard a guess that Mr.Hafting was unemployed at the time.