That is Priceless by Steve Melcher for April 15, 2022

“I went into your suitcase looking for a negligee to try on and I find these letter…”

“The results are in. You are not the father!”

/// Dad discovered his daughter’s love letters,

from a cad who dared prey on his betters.

Angry Father won’t cease.

Having searched her valise,

he now vows to lock daughter in fetters.

Papa’s in a major funk/Over something he’s found in her trunk !/And it isn’t “The Pill”/It’s designs for a still:/Already his daughter’s a drunk..///

But Papa has the power to kill/Daughter’s dream of owning a still./He’ll be showing it when/With the stroke of his pen/He writes her right out of his will.

the prenup was clear, Horace keeps the Grist Mill!

The airlines called and apologized about the luggage mixup, your trunk is in Schenectady.

She meant nothing by these letters expressing her loathing of you and wanting to stab you in the eyes while you slept. She’s just a child and although she’s betrothed to you and must marry when she’s 18, you’ll find she’ll grow to like you, a bit. In the meantime we’ll keep Alice in chains.

“Have you taken your Viagra today?”

“…just as the cartoonist using this cannot deduct it as a depreciating asset.”

“What?! It’s just clothes. Where’s the money? This should be full of money?”

“Yes, I made the drop as you instructed. But on my way back, well, Bloomingdales was having a sale.”

I just got the credit card bill…

the father of the bride doesn’t want to pay for the swans…

I can’t believe you are reading this trashy romance! In fact, where did you learn to read!?

Sure! She’s your best best escort. But a suitcase of money is too much!!

“She was stealing my Bonds”

“Relax dear, they’re Junk Bonds.”

A C- in “sewing a fine seam”? And a D+ in “ensnaring a mate”! Tell me, Mother, why am I sending this child to that expensive finishing school? Let’s just arrange a marriage with old widower McDonald and send her off to his farm.

Who is this elderly male/

subjecting this lass to travail?/

Is he husband or father?/

And why should he bother/

perusing this young woman’s mail ?///

If he’s hoping to be reassured/

cheating’s something that must be endured/

For the “throb of the glands”/

makes the fiercest demands/

and his ailments can never be cured.///

Let the lass have some leeway, old man/

Don’t forget , in your youth, wild you ran./

Now she trembles with dread/

Of your marital bed…/

And what she cannot do, the maid can.

“Four years of creative writing classes and ‘It was a dark and stormy night’ is the best you can do?”

Although Julia did her best to hide them, Papa went ballistic when he discovered the internet bills with all her Pay-Per-View Porno Channel charges on them.

For some reason, my wife gets upset when I tell her I’m gonna trade her in for a newer model with less wear and tear

The Angry Father or The Discovery of the Clandestine Correspondence: 

Paste (including the quote marks) 

“File:John Opie (1761-1807) – The Angry Father (The Discovery… Correspondence) – 1885P2584 – Birmingham Museums Trust.jpg” site=commons.wikimedia.org 

(syntax supported by the Google and Yandex search engines) in the browser address bar (or search for it using one of those search engines) and chose the first File: link found for info and links that point to more info about this nearly lifesize painting.

Again, a larger strip image is shown by (Ctrl- or right-) clicking the image in Mr. Melcher’s MASTERPIECE #2913 (April 15, 2022) blog entry, accessible by the Check out the blog! box after the last comment, and using the dropdown menu (even larger if you trim what’s after .png from the URL). I have added a comment there (awaiting Mr. Melcher’s approval) pointing to the artist info I used to point to here. First work by him used here.

Olivia, what happened to my pill box of viagra.

I’ll tell you Meriam, i bought her all these clothes and now she won’t take any off for me.

What? I am paying her how much; and she only keeps one set of books? She knows d*mn well to keep two sets of books! Now what am I going to tell the taxman?

/// Lovely bride to an old financier,

she was drawn to his money, I fear.

Some pairs are May – December,

but in this case, remember,

Young Miss May’s from a whole different year.

Maybe another dependent is a viable option…..

She wants to know if she can date that cute boy who moved in next door?