Reality Check by Dave Whamond for June 15, 2022

When you DO get a representative, talk very quickly.

“Sorry, your log-in OR password was incorrect. We won’t tell you which one”

Cordless and Wireless are sometimes Useless.

“Would you like to download our FixParachute App?”

must be static on the line

or the obnoxiously annoying two factor authentication.

reboot your device…

if we are disconnected…

He’s always been a fly by from the get go.

“We’re sorry, it says here that you ordered the picnic backpack model!”

Your fall is very important to us.

For you Pollyannas who always look on the bright side, he has the rest of his life to fix the problem.

Oh no, GERONIMO …!

I don’t think this idea is gonna fly.

I’m sorry sir. You need to be a premium member to access that service.

This really hits a sore spot. My email is just about non-functional on two browsers and tech support exist in some Kafka-esque nightmare, not unlike AT&T, whom I had to call because my cell phone completely non-functional in terms of being a, y’know, PHONE.So I called and finally fought my way through to an actual human being (word of advice here: always make these call BEFORE whatever you’re calling about has made a raving, non-verbal, incoherent maniac) and that sweet soul went through the identification process after finding out that my phone was only staring at me, asked me if I was calling from that device (to which I said, “No, I’m calling from one that actually works”, so we should know where we are at that point, right?) and then he says, “OK, just to make sure of your identity I’m going to send a code to your phone, OK?” You really can’t make this stuff up.

This is like negotiating the voice menu for my bank!