Pearls Before Swine by Stephan Pastis for July 27, 2022

What Rat enjoys the most is stealing wallets of sleeping people.

I know people whose job is sleeping with people and then stealing their wallet.

Fran did that to Niles on an episode of “The Nanny.”

Rat, how many days do you just live life instead of talking about it?

Ripley’s Believe It Or Not once said the easiest job in history was a guy who only had to lean out a window every hour all night and blow a horn. But I question that being easy- it means he never got a good night’s sleep, and would be exhausted all the time due to a lack of REM sleep.

I once encountered a similar guide but never got past Step #1: Be a genius.

You could be a mattress tester like Li’l Abner…

Goat must wonder about Rat.

The system first used by the “My Pillow Guy”….

and if you end up in jail you’ll have plenty of time for sleeping…

Step 3: Get arrested: Have your room and board taken care of for you (in prison).

My wallet doesn’t have anything in it but dust.

Now we have your “sleep number”, Rat.

I was so sleepy after trying to get off a graveyard schedule so I could take a long car trip that I was falling asleep while driving. So I had to sleep in my car at a rest area, using it to actually rest. After snoring myself awake a few times, I actually slept for an hour, which is the time limit at Washington State rest areas now. And ground my teeth. It was hot so I had to sleep with the window rolled down. I wonder if it would have been possible for someone to open the door, pull me out and find my keys before I was awake enough to fight back. I have always depended on the kindness of strangers.

A common joke about wives doing that to their husbands!

I thought beer taster would be a dream job for Rat.

Advice you won’t get from the wise one on the hill.

I can see Rat doing that kimd of job.

Rat really is in touch with his vermin heritage.

my boss asked me one time, if i liked my job. I told him, my mom used to whip my butt for what you pay me for. what’s not to like……

Rat will be the next person to learn the meaning of, “Man plans, God laughs.”

Maybe he was a day sleeper?

Not quite….

Rats delusional. Period!

Sleep pick-pocketing…? Never heard of it.

Wait, isn’t that the job of billionaires?

Being left handed Rat is probably SINISTER (you Latin scholars—both of you).

I always thought it was Pig who loved sleeping, – if there is no cheese around anyway.

All hail, Sensei Rat, Life Master!

What is the secret of life, Master? Work it out for yourself, Grasshopper!

Hm…matress tester?

Step 3: Make sure you’re better than 90% of the people in that profession.