Gil Thorp by Henry Barajas and Rachel Merrill for July 27, 2022

Careful Luke, or Beth will treat you to one of her “special ingredients” in your next Cosmo.

He seems nice…

“I can’t hear you. I have my State Championship Trophies plugging my ears.”

Can’t they settle this rivalry over a nice game of golf? July is almost over, and still no MCC action yet.

P4 (Inhaling and exhaling sounds) “Luke, I’m your (Gil) father…” (more inhaling and exhaling sounds)

What changed here? This is much different than the old Thorp strips even with the gruesome deaths and amputations of the past arcs.

Going from PG to PG13? I think an R rating is around the corner.

P3.5 “Put that hairy, bony finger in my face one more time, sheriff, and I’ll break it off and shove it up your hairy *ss.”

I think I’m going to like Noir Gil. Bring on the “dark night of the soul” to Milford.

Can’t we all just get along?

Did we do a time jump? What’s going on here? The whole tone is different.

What’s the Coach of the Year doing in a bar ?

Martinez. Luke Martinez. It’s a sure bet he has his martinis shaken, not stirred. At least he checks off the GT Bad Guy traits; facial hair, hairy hands and the Eddie Munster haircut as a bonus. I can’t wait for the comeuppance beatdown when Milford and Valley Tech face each other on the gridiron. Maybe by December sometime.

Coach Drool was no sweetheart, but he ani’t no door knob either. Since Milford has recently dominated the Valley Tech rivalry, this antagonist has been hired to flip the script. I think we all will get onboard the Gil Train in this edgy era.

You can catch even more with manure. What’s your point?

P4: Gil: Now I do know you, and I’m even sorrier. Martinez needs to get his money back for that toupee to cover his bald spot on top, really bad color match.

Luke Martinez sounds just like a bad guy on Gunsmoke confronting Matt Dillon at the Long Branch Saloon.

Hey Luke! There’s only ONE “New Sheriff in Town” when it comes to football: the (late) Denny Green of the MN Vikings!

Yes, he really did say he was the “new sheriff in town” when he was introduced back in 1992. :-P

What is happening here?

You also catch more flies when you’re deceased and decomposing. Perhaps Gil should meet up with Vito’s crew regarding that.

P-1: For the first time in memory, the word SINISTER enters the atmosphere in Milford. It’s alright children. Reach in your desks and pull out your Dictionaries and look that word up.

P-2: Oooh, just like Sesame Street, we get to meet someone new.

P-3: Gil channels a really corny version of a Chinese Shaolin Monk, while Mr. Martinez has to use symbols to get past the editor. Tsk, tsk, tsk.

P-4: Bethany tells Luke: “Like your wife said, you’re cut off!”

OK, new arch-nemesis identified. Next, Moon and Martinez will start a radio show (M&M?) which will be nothing but a daily dose of Thorp hatred. They’ll bring in former players and Milford students to dish on the entire Thorp family…

This story so far definitely beats stuff like butter knives, TCFS pins, rally hippos, and hilarious teeny tiny paint brushes for sure.

Sheriff Martinez after letting Gil know whose the Alpha male, turns to the stranger sitting down the bar and asks , “Hey pal ,what’s your name ?” The stranger replies In all reality , it’s Mr Reality and you don’t mess with Coach Thorp if you know what’s good for you !

A coach with facial hair!! Double red flag

This is Gil’s last speech? Is that a death threat? Seems like an odd way to introduce yourself to a stranger.

It’s like all of these lurkers who remained silent thru past insanities were finally pushed over the edge by the new tone to come forth en masse to simultaneously scream “what’s going on??”

I’m going to move to Milford and get rich selling t-shirts.

With Gil vs. “New Sheriff at Valley Tech” Martinez, 2022 football showdown with Tech will be this year’s “Game of the Century”. Gil as Mia-Gee but who will be Daniel-Son? “Wax on, wax off!”

“Uh at least that’s what I tell my outfielders…”

P3: I sincerely hope that’s Coach Martinez’s right hand and index finger.

New writer may be taking strip from teenage angst to adult conflicts.

P 2.5 (Gil’s voice): “… I know your mom… haha…”

You can see that Whigham has leaned into the “adult” theme by ramping up the quantity of arm and hand hair!

I’m getting ads for period underwear now.

Good bye, Coach Drool! Not even a retirement party? Well, if there was, I doubt Gil would have been invited. So, the new evil coach – he talks tough, but his comebacks are all, “WTF?”

“You catch more flies with honey than vinegar.” “Is that why you’re so full of %$#@?” “Huh?”

“So I told Tod Andrews to take his whistle and kick rocks!” “Huh?”

I’m waiting for him to tell Gil that his mother wears army boots. And speaking of wanting to tell, I’ve been wanting to tell you that today’s Mopped Up Thorp is online.

https://moppedupthorp.wordpress.com/

Proposed story arc – Martinez calls out Gil as a fraud. Gil recognizes he’s right and becomes depressed. He contemplates suicide but the love of a good bartender and a new star athlete enrolling in school turns him around. Bonfires and state championships are back in Milford!