The Argyle Sweater by Scott Hilburn for September 30, 2022

especially if there is a salt shaker near…

It only happens when the S-car-goes too fast.

In Senior housing between any room and the toilet.

Reading the snail mail.

Watch that slippery spot just behind you

Pretty well guaranteed, if you carry your home with you wherever you go.

All that’s needed is a framed sampler on the wall: “Home Slime Home”.

Duh. Even for non-turtles and snails, every trip one takes has at least part of it (possibly all) within a mile from home. It’s like saying “50% of people die within three months of their birthday.”

Snailed it!

Especially if there’s some cooking oil and a frying pan around.

And, if you have ‘dashing’ pets, you don’t even have to leave your house.

Levitating newspapers!

I also read that 90% of all driving takes place in the same range. So relative to the amount of time spent there, accidents are lower within the 1 mile.

But still put our seatbelt on before leaving the driveway.

The investigations proceed at a snail’s pace. :)

Even closer if you live in Paris.

That’s why I always stay away from home

the news left them shell-shocked…

Waaaay closer for certain demographics… Snails, mollusks in general, turtles and tortoises, hermit crabs…

And nobody questions the fact he’s levitating the newspaper.