Ripley's Believe It or Not by Ripley’s Believe It or Not! for December 09, 2022

Ilina Iryukhina must’ve used more than one bottle of calamine lotion.

Nice to hear about burping for a change, rather than recent factoids about gassing and peeing.

I’m sure Irina Ilyukhina appreciates Ripleys creating a picture of her that makes it look like she has a mustache and beard.

This is for all you piano players out there.

A piano player at a bar has a monkey as a sidekick who collects tips in a tin can. While the piano player was playing, the monkey squatted over a man’s glass and dipped his “marbles” in the drink.

Infuriated, the man yells at the piano player “Do you know your monkey dipped his marbles in my martini ?!!”

The piano player replies “No man, but hum a few bars and I can probably pick it up.”

A nymphomaniac woman was a regular at a sex shop, but after using their products for years she ended getting bored of the usual stuff. She asked the male cashier if there was something else out of the ordinary to try.

He suggest the Sexual Mosquito. That got her attention, so she asked him how to use it.

He told her to prepare herself (candles, perfumes, clothing etc.) and then open the case that the mosquito is in and it will do the rest.

So that night the woman did as she was told, prepping herself and everything, then she lets go of the mosquito, but the mosquito just stayed in the case and did nothing.

Disappointedly the woman called the sex shop about the mosquito doing nothing, but the male cashier from before told her to give it a moment.

Long story short, the mosquito did nothing, and the woman called again for something to be done about this.So the cashier begrudgingly agreed to come over her place to see what the problem was and whether he could do something. Dialogue ensues:

Cashier: Ok where is that darn mosquito.

Woman: Right here in the case.

He looks at the mosquito and says: OK LOOK! I WILL DEMONSTRATE THIS TO YOU FOR THE LAST TIME!

Aaaand the guys who said they “identify as a mosquito” were lined up around the block to taste Irina.

Take care, may Delta Phi Belching Champion of 2021 Sean “Brrr-Braddle Brap!” Sousaphonord be with you, and gesundheit.

So I guess my wife and I are really good friends.

someone should have told Krystian about the elevator

Hopefully there are no mosquito-born illnesses in that part of Russia.

Believe it or Not that nine yr old girl needs a shave.

That’s SEARS tower. Just saying.

Humans in taverns beat the Colobus Monkeys to the punch hundreds of years ago.

Boy,they’re really starved for fun things to do in Russia,aren’t they?

That “tastiest girl” thing could have gone way wrong

Makes sense that they would have a blood suckers festival in Moscow: that is were Putin resides.

Relax, she only lost about 0.43 milliliters of blood, so she didn’t need a transfusion

Guess me and my friends are Columbus Monkeys.

So you’re average frat bro shows affection just like Colobus Monkeys. Who knew?

What Russians won’t do for entertainment…

Here I thought Russia didn’t have much of a mosquito problem.

A festival celebrating mosquitoes? Did Irina win a year’s supply of calamine lotion?

If you are interested, and who isn’t, in seeing Irina win the tastiest girl contest, check this out. https://globalnews.ca/news/2882217/at-the-russian-mosquito-festival-the-more-bites-the-better/

That’s a nine year old????

Little Tracy was in the garden filling in a hole when her neighbor peered over the fence. Interested in what the little girl was up to, he politely asked, “What are you up to there, Tracy?” “My pet mouse died,” replied Tracy tearfully, without looking up, “and I’ve just buried him.” The neighbor was concerned, “That’s an awfully big hole for a mouse, isn’t it?” Tracy patted down the last heap of earth and then replied, “That’s because he’s inside your stupid stinking cat.” … Birdman out.

I looked up Colobus Monkeys to see if they look as sad as the cartoon makes them look. Turns out they look even sadder.