Aunty Acid by Ged Backland for August 02, 2023

i cook it at home and go there already – I win.

I was invited to go to a restaurant last week so I looked up the menu ahead of time. They caught me and started emailing crap. I never gave my address but you can’t hide any more. They find you anyway and I’m never going there again.

And yet, when you get to the restaurant,it still takes them 15 minutes to decide to order the same thing they always get.

I always have to look at the menu online because of food allergies and drug interactions.

Menus change so I look online even if we have been there before.

Aunty, why do you need a menu? We all know you’re going to order one of everything. Graze on Aunty, graze on.

Sometimes elaborate preplanning is a good idea. Going to a restaurant with my wife on “date night” isn’t one of those times.

The consequences of a bad choice is that you get food you don’t like. It’s a price I am willing to pay if my pallet is feeling adventurous. I can make up my mind in under two minutes.

Now deciding where to eat or what toppings to get on the pizza is another issue. For some reason, other people are reluctant to make that call.

Yeah, me too, AND reviews

My wife does that and still needs to see the menu at the restaurant. Even when we go to McDonalds she needs to see the menu. Who doesn’t know what McDonald’s serves? Finally, she orders and it’s never something on the menu. She starts with an item then adds to, takes away to end up with something entirely different. Me? I’ll take the #4.

At our house, it’s “Where do you want to go?”

“I don’t know, where do you want to go?”

“I don’t know, where do you want to go?”

“I don’t know, where do you want to go?”

“I don’t know, where do you want to go?”

“I don’t know, where do you want to go?” ….

“OK, let’s go to (insert same old same old restaurant name)”

“No I don’t want to go there, where else do you want to go?”

Really? I never thought of that. Half of my restaurant ritual is reading the menu and deciding which plate will taste the best and put the least fat on me.

And she still does not know what she wants when the waitress asks.

I check out restaurants online and dream about going to them. Only two of them send me updates and new menus. I don’t mind, it gives me something to drool over.

I understand, Auntie. Especially if it’s a restaurant i haven’t been to in a while or never been there. I don’t like surprises I can’t afford!

When we were stationed in Germany back in the 80s most of the restaurants had their menus on the outside of them next to the doors, even McDonald’s (I’ve never watched “Pulp Fiction” but I’ve seen the “Hamburger Royale” scene. It cracked my up because that’s what it is in Germany as well.) I wish the US did it as well. The prices were listed as well so you knew if you could afford it before embarrassing yourself. The first one we went to I was almost in tears. The way Germans write the number one looks like our seven, so I thought we’d screwed up and the bill was 79 Deutsche Marks and that would have taken most of our spending money for the month. Nope, it was only 19 Marks. We had splurged because I had just arrived in country since we weren’t married when he got stationed there so he came home on leave to marry me. We hadn’t see each other for 6 months. It took awhile to save enough for the ticket. Of course you needed a passing knowledge of German as well as the exchange rate of the day for the Mark. Because we were in Nürnberg a lot of places took the dollar. This was a few years before the Euro. I think Germany probably wouldn’t have changed to the Euro if the wall hadn’t come down. Having to reunite with East Germany was hard on the West. Still most people wanted it. Unlike the US and their hatred for most people (at least certain areas) Germany was very open. Our Kaserne’s gym on Schwabach was turned into a shelter as well. The fact that the country was clean and safe except for near the bases also shows they have better manners. It was cool seeing all of the little cars, but unfortunately many were broke down on the side of the road. West Germany had high taxes, but they also had universal healthcare and maternity leave of a year…in the 80s!! Meanwhile GC’s language correction needs improving. It thinks both cities are misspelled. Nürnberg is one of the largest cities. And Kasernes have been part of the military since the end of the war.

Another repurposed comic.

Sometimes I think I really should do that – when I go out to eat, I never know what I want!

I look at restaurant menus of places I get invited at to see what the prices are, it is called retired and on a limited income. I have friends who are in the food industry who know some expensive places and I know a few myself but I don’t like surprises.

I like to look at menus to decide which restaurant to go to. Unfortunately, most of them, at least the ones I’ve checked, you can’t just pull up a menu online. I have to act like I’m ordering for a delivery or carry-out order. Often, I have to put in my address to see if they deliver in my area before I can finally see a menu. Sometimes, I figure I’ll just go somewhere else.

Guilty as charged!

Worked up an appetite?