FoxTrot Classics by Bill Amend for September 05, 2023

Oath keepers? OMG

Glop it is.

At my high school, we had mystery meat patties. If it was roundish and breaded, it could be chicken or pork. They both pretty much tasted the same. If it was squarish, it was probably fish. The inside looked different, but you mostly tasted the breading.

Folks, try to avoid anything that says “All Meat”. You have no idea what animal has been featured in that mixture. Like hot dogs, for example.

I like my meals predictable, not intriguing

I grew up in a soy processing city, so much of the food at our school cafeteria was heavily soy based long before tofu (and vegan in general) became a big market in the US. We were never sure how much meat was in our meat.

What’s wrong with this food? The lettuce is green and the meat is brown instead of the other way around. What do you mean. “That’s the way it’s supposed to be?”

Midwest school – late 60’s – cafeteria was great – generally 2 options of meat and a couple of vegetables to choose from – potatoes, slice of bread, milk and a dessert – all for the price of 60 cents…

The end of naïveté

My mother worked in the cafeteria at Edwin Markham Jr High in the 50s when I went there. Every Friday, because of the catholics we had to have a fish dish for lunch. The dish that brings back memories is what she called Tuna Runa, Creamy SOS type. We called it Ruin the tuna.

I never experienced a school cafeteria lunch in my years of schooling and I’m glad it will stay that way.

I actually grew to love those soy-extended hamburgers in high school. The only fast-food restaurants that came close in taste was the Micky-D’s 1/4 pounder with cheese. The previously frozen one, not the newish fresh ones.

My high school cafeteria would, at disturbingly regular intervals, serve us the following sandwiches: Country-fried steak, chicken-fried steak, breaded pork, and breaded veal.

It was all the same thing. No difference whatsoever.

And now and then, they’d add some fake cheese & (as near as I could tell) red paint and call it a pizzaburger

I assume the little kid is a genius, so was able to advance to high school early.

When one stuck a fork into the mystery meat, one never knew whether it would neigh, bark, or meow.

In my HS, the split pea soup was a big favorite. I don’t know why

Do all lunchroom ladies wear those icky cat eye glasses?

First school day,

Everyone’s feeling gay,

But do they

Know what they’re gonna eat?

Can you tell them how to get, how to get through mystery meat?

Class gives the kids a headache and the Cafeteria gives them a belly ache. Right jab and left hook.

She took an oath? Really?

The little guy is a goner; destined to be eaten by his own meal.

“Just eat it (eat it), eat it (eat it),

Get yourself an egg and beat it.

Have some more chicken,

Have some more pie,

It doesn’t matter if it’s boiled or fried."

~ “Weird” Alfred Matthew Yankovic

Yeah, the term ‘biohazard possibility’ comes to mind especially when the ‘you took an oath. Glop it on’ line is uttered…

Don’t they serve lunch at Middle Schools too. If anything HS lunch should have more options and Freshman should be pleasantly surprised.