Monty by Jim Meddick for September 18, 2023

Was that seat always brown?

Yeah, but she doesn’t tell you about the 4 cases of black plague that they DID have !

I don’t like hospitals and doctors offices. There’s a lot of sick people there. I bring my own magazine to read. Won’t touch what’s there. Sanitize my hand after touching doorknobs or chair arm rests.

Well, maybe flesh snacking bacteria. They’re just looking for a little nosh.

We’re back to the days where people were afraid of hospitals, because that’s where you CAUGHT infections. :P

Did Monty go back a few decades in time for his doc appointment? I don’t think nurses have worn caps like that for quite some time

He (and the other seat he’s now in) should also probably be sprayed and wiped down.

Ah, the wellness check, how many fingers am I holding up, can you change your own depends, or does someone have to help you?

I had a doctor’s appointment this past Saturday right when they opened at 8am. No sooner did I check in and pay the co-pay, the med tech called my name and took me back to the exam room. I was in and out of there in less than 30 minutes. If only all my med appts went so quickly…

I just had an in home checkup from my supplemental medical insurance provider. I guess they wanted to make sure I am not a robot.

In my last checkup, the nurse asked me a whole series of questions along the lines of, “In the last two weeks, have you experienced any feelings of despair or hopelessness?” Finally after the fourth or fifth such question, I responded, “No, just in the last, oh, two minutes or so.” Her eyes popped open in shock, then she realized I was making a joke. Then she responded sheepishly, “We have to ask these questions.”

CHSK, CHSK…

Don’t worry if you start getting any weird itching rashes or anything like that

“Cooties” would be bad enough. :)

As someone who had to do statistics as part of my job, I was always bemused by people who thot that the best way to choose a health-care facility was by looking at its reported death rates. This would lead them to avoid* world-class institutions like the Mayo Clinic in favor of fly-by-night naborhood clinics (or, worse, naturopaths and chiropractors). The thing they weren’t paying attention to was the nature of the clientele. The Mayo Clinic was the place where many lesser hospitals shipped their worst cases off to because they themselves knew they weren’t equipped to handle them. Many of those patients were doomed no matter what quality of care they got, but the place where they finally expired wasn’t the referring hospital. OTOH, any business that didn’t even take such cases in the first place of course had a zero death rate.

– – – –

*I almost wrote “avoid like the plague”, but I stopped myself.

The nurse looks like Jarvis in drag. :)

The problem for me right now is not having a primary doctor. The one I really liked retired (and has since passed away) and his replacement quit the clinic I go to. No clue who to see now. Many are not taking new patients.

Monty is a bit awkward about flesh eating bacteria, awkward as usual. haha.

Suddenly – Monty feels a draft…

“Wellness visit”. “Wellness” is an advertising name. It’s stupid and unprofessional for doctors and other medical people to use that word.

Does the nurse-receptionist protest too much? Are the flesh-eaters present and invasive?

Now, worry some worthwhile worries, Monty….