Crankshaft by Tom Batiuk and Dan Davis for October 18, 2023

Please don’t let this turn into a Montoni’s crossover! It might summon Lord Moldyshirt, better known as He-Whose-Father-Has-No-Name

The grease residue in the box will get the fire going.

JUST BURN THE FURSHLUGGINER HOUSE DOWN, ALREADY!!!

J.J. you seem a little tense, lighten up!!

Why are there cameras in his house? With 24/7 watchers? ARREST CRANK BEFORE HE KILLS AGAI—Oh, right, Pro-Cranks will say these are not cops, but firemen, and I have no idea why they think that’s better. “ABORT ABORT! He’s not going to kill us all with fire, just only going to run over a little girl and her granny!” (everyone breathes a sigh of relief; gravediggers are called) HAHA what a funny psychopathic incident this is! WHY IS THIS NOT CONSIDERED BONKERS NUTS

Which means, of course, they they have consumed pizza.

Even in black and white this is still pathetic.

HIS Eagle Will Soon Soar Again! One Nation Under GOD! GOD Bless America!

I think the colorist read it and said, “If you’re not going to bother to write a joke, I’m not coloring it!”

In living color today?…….not!

And I’ll repeat, if Ed or Pmm or Jff find out that the fire department has hidden surveillance cameras IN their house, spying on them in all manners of dress and activity, the lawsuit they can file could be worth millions. Just enough to cancel out all the damage Ed has done over the years.

I love these vintage Funky Winkerbeans. Oh. You mean it’s not?

It occurs to me that some people follow the (sometimes) beautiful artwork we call comic strips, not because they enjoy the strip but for the sole purpose of leaving snide comments. Good grief. Day after day after day. Do you give it a rest on Christmas?

why do firemen wear suspenders ?

Switch to decaf.

Why are there only haters on this page. If you hate it, don’t read it…or do you think everyone thinks you are “cool” for spewing hate all day, every day. I tend to like the subtle humor even if you don’t

Chimney fires are caused by a buildup of creosote and soot. It doesn’t matter what you burn. The hazard would be the fire escaping into the room. Not ruling that out…

When I was young and stupid, I rented an apartment with one of those cheapie sheet metal fireplaces that were in vogue, oh, about fifty years ago. I also picked up, somewhere, a crummy speaker system whose body was a thick-walled cardboard tube, about a foot in diameter and a quarter inch thick. Eventually, I earned enough money to buy a decent speaker system, and had to get rid of the cardboard tube one.

You can probably guess where this is going. Cardboard tubing is basically solid rocket fuel. The jet of flame that shot out of the tube and up the sheet-metal chimney was most impressive, as was the accompanying roar. Almost immediately my roommate and I looked at each other as if to say, “this is a very bad idea.” But neither of us wanted to grab the fire extinguisher and be responsible for the mess it would create, so we sat there and nervously watched it burn for about ten minutes. Luckily, the chimney was clean and we didn’t set the apartment building on fire. I don’t think we ever dared to light the fireplace again.

It was a Crankshaft Moment™.

Today’s “Broom-Hilda” strip actually drops the gag: Broomie is squalling about getting a shot, Gaylord says “You’re worse than a two-year-old,” and the two-year-old in line for his shot says “I resent that.” Of course, he shouldn’t resent Broomie being told she’s WORSE than a two-year-old; the gag required a set-up line more like “You’re acting LIKE a two-year-old.”

I mention this because it jumped out at me… why? Because Russel Myers is a pro, consistently turning out well-executed gags. A gaffe, even a minor one like this, is rare. If I pointed out every time Batiuk dropped the gag (often into a great steaming heap of word salad), I’d have no time to do anything else.

Nothing feeds a good fire like leftover Pepperoni Grease.

With the amount of grease on a typical Montoni’s pizza, there’s about to be a fireball that will be visible from the Space Station.

Maybe you’re BONKERS NUTS billsplut. Consider that.

Were the colorists on a break?