Real Life Adventures by Gary Wise and Lance Aldrich for December 19, 2023

Or is that the waiter’s snarky comment about his waistline?

Regardless, no tip a-tall.

Well, let’s take a look at your usual comment. Why are you making it that way? Have you had a problem with other people joining your dinner parties as a rule?

I hate it when that happens.

Hello. My name is Bobby. I’ll be your customer tonight. If at any time I want anything at all, I’ll search vainly for you and wonder to where you may have disappeared and when you might put in an appearance.

Three it is!

I thought only nurses used that sort of “we.” “How are we today?” So condescending. Best get out of that habit, waiter, if you want a tip.

That’s a question best asked before they are seated at a table.

Another good reply is to suggest there are only two seats, so we won’t be sharing the table.

I sometimes use that line, but to the host(ess), not the server. They should know.

How many of us do you see?

Well, alrighty then! Jim Carrey.

“actually I’m just a figment of your imagination, so it’ll be one, thank you”

Three of us: me, myself and I.

But if you do join us you get to pick up the tab.

Being a server is rough. Give them a break.