Farcus by David Waisglass and Gordon Coulthart for July 08, 2024

Do they have a money back guarantee?

Scene from Tim Conway’s “Dorf Jumps from a Plane.”

“Sorry, you need to be in good physical shape to be served here. You appear to have a collapsed spine.”

Well it’s your own fault, they were certain it would open, but not 4Imprint Certain.

How did he land this job in the first place? :)

I went through simulated ejection seat training in preparation for an orientation flight in a jet fighter. We were told when to yank the D-ring, if the altimeter-trigger did not open the chute automatically. The instructor told us it was important to keep a firm grip on the D-ring, as it would be required to get a refund if the chute did not open. (Military humor)

The fine print says "guaranteed to fail only once "

my sister used to skydie…. er, dive… and she knew a guy who’s main chute developed a major line twist, so he had to detach and open the reserve chute, which also twisted so bad it basically became a streamer. He landed, survived, and walked away with a broken jaw when his jaw smashed into his knee on impact!

Where’s your sense of humor. That was just his little prank.

That fall destroyed his poop chute.