Shoe by Gary Brookins and Susie MacNelly for March 17, 2024

Sounds more family feud on steroids

You don’t get to talk in Hell. The devil hates free speech.

One night as I slept, there came a vision of the hereafter to me: I was astonished to learn that everyone goes to the same place. In that place, all day long, every day, they listen to sermons and study the scriptures and sing hymns. It was then that I came to understand how that place, the Heaven of the truly godly, would be Hell for the rest of us. Such is the marvelous economy of that one they call God! [From the writings of John Blackfox]

[old joke] John dies and goes to Heaven. At the Pearly Gates he meets an angel.

“Let’s go see your mother.”

“How did you know I wanted to check on my Mom?”

“It’s Heaven, silly. We know everything everyone wants.”

They fly to a beautiful garden; there is a Japanese tea garden section; a Chinese meditation section; koi ponds; anything you can name.

Then they go see his Dad. Dad has a 100 story garage with every kind of car ever built, and he’s hanging out with Barney Oldfield rebuilding a 1966 Mustang.

His book loving aunt is in a library chatting with Edgar Allan Poe and Jane Austin.

His buddy the fisherman is on a boat with Ernest Hemingway.

Finally he asks about his Aunt Edith. Angel gives him a telescope. Edith is alone on an island with Jesus.

“Yeah, Aunt Edith always talked like she was the only person who’d ever make it to Heaven.”

Don’t worry, Shoe. The way you’re going, you’re headed for the other place. A reunion of a different type.

Nope, not interested in family. Dogs are another story.

As Watterson opined in a Calvin and Hobbes strip once upon a time, Calvin declares, “I’m related to people I can’t relate to.”

Time is relative and like all relatives, they wear out their welcome quickly.

This reminds me of an old Dear Abby letter. The letter writer was genuinely worried about going to Heaven and being reunited with relatives she really didn’t want to see again.

Nothing but drunk uncles.

A family reunion is a good reason to plan a LONG trip out of the country.

my recently departed husband

most of the people clamoring about going to heaven are the best reason not to go there

That’s something I have pondered on at times.. there are some relatives that really did not like me. Will I get haraced again.. and for all eternity.

Could be either place- -depends on the occupants.

In my heaven my mother is in hell. In my heaven my pets who have passed on are waiting for me on the other side of the Rainbow Bridge.

Unofficially we call it the Family Rebellion.

Good sign you’re headed that way. It’s going to be heavenly to be in heaven with my family.

No, Earth is the other place.

i wouldn’t mind if the family was my wife’s relatives. they were lots of fun… ☺

Don’t worry, the ones you dread seeing at family reunions aren’t going anywhere near heaven. No matter what they think.