That is Priceless by Steve Melcher for June 13, 2024

/// His four grandchildren all gathered ‘round.

They are rapt, and not making a sound.

Each day grandpa regales

the kids with his tall tales.

His deep voice makes b.s. sound profound.

My original comment: The old man was telling the kids about the time he fought off the Orcs and crossed Mordor to destroy the ring.

Kids thinking, There’s got to be something better than Grandpa’s old stories. We should invent something called the cellphone.

Swiss painter Albert Anker/

was on excellent terms with his banker:/

because his accounts/

contained massive amounts/

he never elicited ranco.

When grandfather waxes rhapsodic/

The effect on the kids is hypnotic:/

They instantly lapse/

Into much-needed naps/

Where their dreams are of venues exotic.

One day, this will all be yours……..Seth. You girls will have to get married or go to the workhouse.

Studies show that one in six children of married women are not her husband’s.

“But Grandpa, how could your walk to school have been uphill both ways?”

Been there, done that… and lived to tell the story.

Sounds like just about everyone today.

My grandfathers didn’t tell me stories, although I wish they had. In my childhood I heard stories from the old man next door, born in 1869. There were stories about his father who fought in the Civil War, wounded in handling the caissons, sent home to die (but recovered).

About his trip to the Chicago Columbian Exposition soon after his marriage (that lasted 70 years). About moving with her and starting a family in a new town with dirt streets until wooden sidewalks were installed downtown. About how new houses (to me, now old musty houses) appeared all around him. About the elm trees that were planted along the town streets; growing huge, then were infested with disease, died, and were cut down.

To his credit he didn’t tell me sad stories how he outlived most of his children. How his wife took a collection among neighbors when my infant brother died before I was born.

He chewed tobacco and spit the juice, that I found interesting and briefly imitated, chewing wads of salami. He didn’t believe people could land on the moon (which they nonetheless did, two years after he died. He would say it was fake.)

His wake was the least sorrowful I have ever attended. His last surviving child, Minerva, remarked that he would be irritated that everybody was staring at him.

My wife got a “new” 50 something nephew a few years ago when he found out that his “father” was not really his father and that my wife’s brother was. No one knew until DNA services came along.

Man explaining to neighborhood kids that technically he’s not a pedophile because his conviction is being appealed.

Reminds me of the Dirk Bogarde film, “Our Mother’s House.” That’s a dark one…

There’s a cat in barrow on left, bathing or watching chickens.

Grandfather Telling a Story: 

Paste (including the quote marks) 

"Category:Grandfathers in art" Wikimedia 

(syntax supported by the Google, Bing, Yahoo, DuckDuckGo, Ecosia, Brave, and Yandex search engines) in the browser address bar (or search for it using one of those search engines) and choose the first Category: found, and once there find the text string (1884), and click its link for info and links that point to more info about this painting. 

Again, a larger strip image is also shown by merely clicking the image in Mr. Melcher’s THROWBACK THURSDAY: MASTERPIECE #2223 (6/14/19) (June 12, 2024) blog entry, accessible by the Check out the blog! box after the last comment. I have added a comment there pointing the blog entry with my comment and replies pointing to info about this artist I used to point to here. So far, 17 works by this artist have been used here (22 times total, including this and 4 prior repeats), the June 14, 2019, strip being its first use. The March 7, 2024, strip has the prior by him (another repeat), and the September 28, 2020, strip has the prior non-repeat by him.

It’s not that kind of “father” the day is for.

Mamma was a rollin’ stone…

Old man with a dirty mind telling stories………..until his wife walked in!!

and I told him “you’re pretty good ol’ son, but sit down in that chair right there, and let me show you how it’s done”.

…

OK, which one of you kids was supposed to bring the fiddle with ’em?

Some of the previous comments from 6/14/2019:

rmremail: Grandpa always gave out candy at the end, so the kids sat and pretended to listen attentively. Secretly, Grandpa was training them for a life of middle management / meetings.

Call me Ishmael: Although they were horribly bored / they nevertheless reached accord / that his management style / had cost them a pile / so they voted him off of the Board.

…

Strob: – “..and when we wanted to change the channel, we had to get up and walk across the room!” GASP

Call me Ishmael: You had ROOMS ?

markmoss1: You had A TV? Seriously, I was 10 years old before my family could afford one – and it barely pulled in a black-and-white picture, from only two channels.

…

orinoco womble: “You either have kids, or you have money. Guess which one we have.”

Huckleberry Hiroshima: “Pull my finger. lmao just kidding, high five baby …”

Call me Ishmael: “ … and that’s how Coco Chanel and I designed the ‘Little Black Dress’ that is now the mainstay of your wardrobe !”

Another Take: And before your Ma got sick of him, I’d have Charlie my ventriloquist dummy right here and I’d have him say, without moving my lips mind you, “Hurry up with those vittles woman!”. I miss Charlie …

Indianapolis Smith: “There I was at the store. Standing by the pole beans. Then I saw him! A Streaker! I hollered out at your Aunt Ethel ’DON’T LOOK, ETHEL!’ but it was too late. She’d already been MOONED!”

MissScarlet: On the plus side, he keeps the children amused and out of my hair. On the other hand, he hasn’t helped do anything in years.

gcarlson: “According to our mother you’re our father, And that’s good enough for us.” – Groucho Marx’s Father’s Day song

Back in my day, We didn’t have rap. If we wanted to dis somebody, we had to do it with a limerick!

Yes, your mother slept around back in the day, but I’m the one who stuck around & paid the bills, so I get the benefit of Fathers Day.

My original post in 2019:

Grandpa was telling the same story for the hundredth time but none of the kids wanted to hurt his feelings.

It was a dark and stormy night. The children huddled close to their grandfather. “Tell us a tale,” they begged. Grandfather began, "It was a dark and stormy night. We children huddled close to our grandfather. ‘Tell us a tale,’ we begged. Grandfather began, “It was a dark and stormy night.”…’"…

The real fun will start when the neighbor lady’s kids show up

I don’t find this funny. So many ways this could have gone (see comments) other than “your mother slept around”. Boring.