A husband calls the Sheriff’s office to report his wife missing.
Husband: My wife is missing. She went shopping yesterday and has not come home!
Sheriff: Height?
Husband: I’m not sure. A little over five-feet tall.
Sheriff: Weight?
Husband: Don’t know. Not slim, not really fat.
_Sheriff:+ Color of eyes?
Husband: Sort of brown I think. Never really noticed.
Sheriff: Color of hair?
Husband: Changes a couple times a year. Maybe dark brown now. I can’t remember.
Sheriff: What was she wearing?
Husband: Could have been pants, or maybe a skirt or shorts. I don’t know exactly.
Sheriff: What kind of car did she go in?
Husband: She went in my truck.
Sheriff: What kind of truck was it?
Husband: A 2016 pearl white Ram Limited 4X4 with 6.4l Hemi V8 engine ordered with the Ram Box bar and fridge option, LED lighting, back up and front camera, Moose hide leather heated and cooled seats, climate controlled air conditioning. It has a custom matching white cover for the bed, Weather Tech floor mats. Trailering package with gold hitch, sunroof, DVD with full GPS navigation, satellite radio, Cobra 75 WX ST 40-channel CB radio, six cup holders, 3 USB port, and 4 power outlets. I added special alloy wheels and off-road Toyo tires. It has custom retracting running boards and underglow wheel well lighting.
That is the first defense of the hog-nosed snake (flattening its head, like a cobra, and hissing). If that doesn’t scare you off, they will strike… but they keep their mouth closed, while striking, so all you get is a nose bump. If that doesn’t scare you off, they will go into convulsions, eventually playing dead: lying silent, belly up, mouth open and tongue hanging out. But if you roll them over, onto their belly, they will roll belly up again, as if they think being belly-up is the only proper way to be dead. They are completely harmless to humans, and they’re my favorite snake.
Leroy 2 months ago
The fossils of the kids were okay though.
Pickled Pete 2 months ago
A husband calls the Sheriff’s office to report his wife missing.
Husband: My wife is missing. She went shopping yesterday and has not come home!
Sheriff: Height?
Husband: I’m not sure. A little over five-feet tall.
Sheriff: Weight?
Husband: Don’t know. Not slim, not really fat.
_Sheriff:+ Color of eyes?
Husband: Sort of brown I think. Never really noticed.
Sheriff: Color of hair?
Husband: Changes a couple times a year. Maybe dark brown now. I can’t remember.
Sheriff: What was she wearing?
Husband: Could have been pants, or maybe a skirt or shorts. I don’t know exactly.
Sheriff: What kind of car did she go in?
Husband: She went in my truck.
Sheriff: What kind of truck was it?
Husband: A 2016 pearl white Ram Limited 4X4 with 6.4l Hemi V8 engine ordered with the Ram Box bar and fridge option, LED lighting, back up and front camera, Moose hide leather heated and cooled seats, climate controlled air conditioning. It has a custom matching white cover for the bed, Weather Tech floor mats. Trailering package with gold hitch, sunroof, DVD with full GPS navigation, satellite radio, Cobra 75 WX ST 40-channel CB radio, six cup holders, 3 USB port, and 4 power outlets. I added special alloy wheels and off-road Toyo tires. It has custom retracting running boards and underglow wheel well lighting.
At this point the husband started choking up.
Sheriff: Take it easy sir, we’ll find your truck!
Guy from southern Indiana 2 months ago
That is the first defense of the hog-nosed snake (flattening its head, like a cobra, and hissing). If that doesn’t scare you off, they will strike… but they keep their mouth closed, while striking, so all you get is a nose bump. If that doesn’t scare you off, they will go into convulsions, eventually playing dead: lying silent, belly up, mouth open and tongue hanging out. But if you roll them over, onto their belly, they will roll belly up again, as if they think being belly-up is the only proper way to be dead. They are completely harmless to humans, and they’re my favorite snake.
kucpa Premium Member 2 months ago
Why’d it have to be snakes?
h.v.greenman 2 months ago
“Why did it have to be snakes” – Dr. Henry Jones jr.
comixbomix 2 months ago
Wish we could export one of those over to the Crankshaft strip…
ragsarooni Premium Member 2 months ago
2,000 lb snake? Are they sure about that?
stamps 2 months ago
So that’s why there were no humans 47 million years ago – that snake ate all their children as they were waiting for the school bus.
Bilan 2 months ago
If the snake was as long as a school bus, it wouldn’t be able to wrap itself around a bus twice.
Stephen Gilberg 2 months ago
I have to wonder about animals who evoke other animals. Do they know they’re doing it?
mindjob 2 months ago
Evolution is incredible. That moth’s predators must be afraid of snakes
azardoz 2 months ago
Hiss-boom-bah !
I.postimg.Cc/KzssDYfq/snakes-magazine.Gif
[Unnamed Reader - 14b4ce] 2 months ago
While we’re talking about snakes, how do you tell a deadly coral snake from its harmless lookalikes?