One of my friendly regulars is struggling with some online deal they found on their phone.
Customer: “I hate these QR codes! They never scan for me!”
Me: “It’s okay, I remember the manual code for that discount. Let me apply that for you.”
I manually grant the discount.
Customer: “Amazing! You’re by far the best cashier here! I don’t know why they don’t make you a manager!”
Me: “I have applied, but they always ask for previous management experience, of which I have none.”
Customer: “So you can’t get promoted without job experience, but you can’t get the experience without getting promoted?”
Me: “Seems that way!”
Customer: “Yeah, it’s a catch sixty-nine situation.”
Me: Stifles a laugh. “Well I really hope I don’t need to do that to get promoted!”
The customer nods but seems slightly confused. I leave it at that and let him finish his transaction. Less than a minute after he’s exited, he comes running back in, beelining straight to me.
Customer: “Twenty twoooooo! I meant catch twenty twooooooo!”
Obey The Law Or Be Stripped Of Your Freedoms (read carefully)
Customer: “Pack of cigarettes, [brand and size].”
Me: “Can I see some ID, please?”
Customer: “F*** off, you’ve seen my ID before.”
Me: “I need to check every tobacco purchase, no exceptions.”
Customer: “I’m over fifty! The law says you only have to check ID for people who look forty and under!”
As soon as the customer says this there is the sound of a throat being cleared. We both look over to see a police officer has appeared out of nowhere.
Officer: “Actually, that’s not true. Code of Federal Regulations, title twenty-five, chapter one, subchapter B, part eleven states that all purchases of age-restricted substances, including tobacco, must be made using government-issued ID proving the purchaser is twenty-one or over. Moreover, any attempt to circumvent this regulation can result in a fine of $10,000, or prison time up to sixty-one days.”
Customer: “Well… fine. I’ll go back to my car and get it!”
The customer storms out. The officer nods at them as they pass, and then proceeds to buy an energy drink from me.
Officer: “Actually I’m not really a cop. I’m on my way to a bachelorette party if you catch my drift.”
Me: “Oh, sorry! Your uniform is really good! How do you know so much about the law?”
Officer: “Oh, I made all that up. I guess people just believe you if you’re in the uniform and you make it sound official enough. Anyway, sorry you had to put up with that. Have a great night!”
I played back the legal jargon he said from our security footage after my shift. It was related to public indecency… I guess with regards to his job he does know his stuff!
When I was young, my family would often go camping in northeast Utah, near Flaming Gorge Reservoir. After busy days of fishing, hiking, touring, etc., we’d settle down with a fire-grilled meal and listen to the radio. In the daytime, we couldn’t get any radio reception, but at night we could get AM radio from hundreds of miles away. We either listened to CBS Radio Mystery Theatre or classical music.
One evening, as we were listening to music, the overture from “The Barber Of Seville” came on. Almost immediately, I started humming and whistling to the music. My mother was astonished.
I’m shopping at a large store (rhymes with Ballmart) and I get in line behind and woman and her two preteen daughters. She places a hairbrush from their cart onto the belt and says:
Mom: “This the last hair brush I am buying. I want you to both repeat after me: “We will not use this brush as a weapon”.”
Daughters: “We will not use this brush as a weapon.”
The mom turns to the checkout clerk.
Mom: “What’s your name, dear?”
Clerk: “It’s Linda.”
Mom: To the daughters. “Linda is our witness! Do it for Linda!”
Daughters: “Do it for Linda!”
May we all have our own Linda, helping to keep the peace!
(Kill the wabbit was The Ride of the Valkyries.) They used classical music in cartoons because there are no royalties on it. They also use classical music in video games now.
I never plan on revenge, the term “premeditated” never sounds good in court. However, “happy accident” sounds much friendlier, even when it is the same thing.
Correct. Romans 12:19Beloved, never take revenge. Leave that to the righteous anger of God. For the Scriptures say, “I will take revenge; I will pay them back,” says the LORD.
My father taught me this when I was a child. He told me that getting revenge often backfired, and that if I was patient, the person who did me wrong would eventually suffer in some way or another. Throughout my life, I’ve found that to be true many times. Karma really is a b*tch.
I have always loved classical music. My dad did as well but not to the extent that he would know what he was listening to. He also loved watching the old cartoons.
One day he was watching a very old Bugs Bunny cartoon and the piece of music that was playing in the background was the third part of Rossini’s William Tell Overture Ranz des vaches. He asked me what that piece was called and when I told him what it was he wouldn’t believe me, saying " I know the William Tell Overture it’s the theme tune to the lone Ranger. I tried to tell him that the overture was in 4 parts and the part he was thinking of was the Gallop and was the part after the the piece was listening to now but he was not having any of it because of course he was right.
A few days later we were going into town. We live 9 miles from town and it usually takes us about 20 minutes to get there so I asked dad if I could I play a piece of classical music in the car. He said “yes” so I put it on. He asked what it was and I said the full version of the William Tell Overture. As soon as it started to play he said that’s not the part he knew and I had to explain that the part he knew, The Gallop, was at the end and the piece that he was listening to on the cartoon he was watching was the part just before it.
A few minutes later the part Ranz des vaches came on and he nearly jumped out of his chair saying “that’s the piece that’s was on the cartoon the other day.” See I said I Told you it was part of the William Tell Overture." He just looked and said “smart a**”. He hated being shown he was wrong..
Yakety Sax 12 days ago
He Caught The Catch… Eventually
One of my friendly regulars is struggling with some online deal they found on their phone.
Customer: “I hate these QR codes! They never scan for me!”
Me: “It’s okay, I remember the manual code for that discount. Let me apply that for you.”
I manually grant the discount.
Customer: “Amazing! You’re by far the best cashier here! I don’t know why they don’t make you a manager!”
Me: “I have applied, but they always ask for previous management experience, of which I have none.”
Customer: “So you can’t get promoted without job experience, but you can’t get the experience without getting promoted?”
Me: “Seems that way!”
Customer: “Yeah, it’s a catch sixty-nine situation.”
Me: Stifles a laugh. “Well I really hope I don’t need to do that to get promoted!”
The customer nods but seems slightly confused. I leave it at that and let him finish his transaction. Less than a minute after he’s exited, he comes running back in, beelining straight to me.
Customer: “Twenty twoooooo! I meant catch twenty twooooooo!”
Yakety Sax 12 days ago
Obey The Law Or Be Stripped Of Your Freedoms (read carefully)
Customer: “Pack of cigarettes, [brand and size].”
Me: “Can I see some ID, please?”
Customer: “F*** off, you’ve seen my ID before.”
Me: “I need to check every tobacco purchase, no exceptions.”
Customer: “I’m over fifty! The law says you only have to check ID for people who look forty and under!”
As soon as the customer says this there is the sound of a throat being cleared. We both look over to see a police officer has appeared out of nowhere.
Officer: “Actually, that’s not true. Code of Federal Regulations, title twenty-five, chapter one, subchapter B, part eleven states that all purchases of age-restricted substances, including tobacco, must be made using government-issued ID proving the purchaser is twenty-one or over. Moreover, any attempt to circumvent this regulation can result in a fine of $10,000, or prison time up to sixty-one days.”
Customer: “Well… fine. I’ll go back to my car and get it!”
The customer storms out. The officer nods at them as they pass, and then proceeds to buy an energy drink from me.
Officer: “Actually I’m not really a cop. I’m on my way to a bachelorette party if you catch my drift.”
Me: “Oh, sorry! Your uniform is really good! How do you know so much about the law?”
Officer: “Oh, I made all that up. I guess people just believe you if you’re in the uniform and you make it sound official enough. Anyway, sorry you had to put up with that. Have a great night!”
I played back the legal jargon he said from our security footage after my shift. It was related to public indecency… I guess with regards to his job he does know his stuff!
Yakety Sax 12 days ago
A Young Opera Buffa Buff
When I was young, my family would often go camping in northeast Utah, near Flaming Gorge Reservoir. After busy days of fishing, hiking, touring, etc., we’d settle down with a fire-grilled meal and listen to the radio. In the daytime, we couldn’t get any radio reception, but at night we could get AM radio from hundreds of miles away. We either listened to CBS Radio Mystery Theatre or classical music.
One evening, as we were listening to music, the overture from “The Barber Of Seville” came on. Almost immediately, I started humming and whistling to the music. My mother was astonished.
Mom: “[My Name], how do you know this music?”
Me: “It’s the music in a Bugs Bunny cartoon.”
(kill the wabbit, kill the wabbit)
Yakety Sax 12 days ago
I Wish I Was Always That Bready
I am in line behind a lady at a clothing store. She’s taking a few minutes to find her wallet to pay.
Customer: “Sorry, I didn’t realize my purse was underneath my purse bread.”
She then pulls an entire baguette out of her bag, followed by her wallet. She even takes time to tear some off and nibble on it as she enters her PIN.
It made me jealous that I have been living life without purse bread.
(no such thing as wallet bread)
Yakety Sax 12 days ago
Lose Count Of The Times This Happens
Customer: “I want three lamb chops, and I want these right here.”
Me: “I can’t—”
Customer: “—can’t what?! Count?!”
Me: “…see where you’re pointing from this side of the case.”
Customer: Turns red. “…oh.”
Yakety Sax 12 days ago
It’s Time To Brush Aside War
I’m shopping at a large store (rhymes with Ballmart) and I get in line behind and woman and her two preteen daughters. She places a hairbrush from their cart onto the belt and says:
Mom: “This the last hair brush I am buying. I want you to both repeat after me: “We will not use this brush as a weapon”.”
Daughters: “We will not use this brush as a weapon.”
The mom turns to the checkout clerk.
Mom: “What’s your name, dear?”
Clerk: “It’s Linda.”
Mom: To the daughters. “Linda is our witness! Do it for Linda!”
Daughters: “Do it for Linda!”
May we all have our own Linda, helping to keep the peace!
(need a bottle of no-more-tangles)
elvy 11 days ago
(Kill the wabbit was The Ride of the Valkyries.) They used classical music in cartoons because there are no royalties on it. They also use classical music in video games now.
rockyridge1977 11 days ago
Live and let live…….
jango 11 days ago
The visual of AA reminds me of that old “I Want You” Uncle Sam poster for armed forces recruiting.
Daltongang Premium Member 11 days ago
Spoken like an expert on screwing things up Aunty.
dflak 11 days ago
Revenge and retribution. How miserable your life must be if this is all you live for!
Lady loves a joke 11 days ago
That’s right, Auntie. Karma can be delightful.
cuzinron47 11 days ago
Besides it’d require you to actually think.
John Lamb Premium Member 11 days ago
I never plan on revenge, the term “premeditated” never sounds good in court. However, “happy accident” sounds much friendlier, even when it is the same thing.
John Lamb Premium Member 11 days ago
I have, on occasion, been an agent of Karma. At other times I have been an agent of chaos.
CorkLock 11 days ago
Correct. Romans 12:19Beloved, never take revenge. Leave that to the righteous anger of God. For the Scriptures say, “I will take revenge; I will pay them back,” says the LORD.
Lola85 Premium Member 11 days ago
My father taught me this when I was a child. He told me that getting revenge often backfired, and that if I was patient, the person who did me wrong would eventually suffer in some way or another. Throughout my life, I’ve found that to be true many times. Karma really is a b*tch.
MY DOG IS MY CO PILOT 11 days ago
I have always loved classical music. My dad did as well but not to the extent that he would know what he was listening to. He also loved watching the old cartoons.
One day he was watching a very old Bugs Bunny cartoon and the piece of music that was playing in the background was the third part of Rossini’s William Tell Overture Ranz des vaches. He asked me what that piece was called and when I told him what it was he wouldn’t believe me, saying " I know the William Tell Overture it’s the theme tune to the lone Ranger. I tried to tell him that the overture was in 4 parts and the part he was thinking of was the Gallop and was the part after the the piece was listening to now but he was not having any of it because of course he was right.
A few days later we were going into town. We live 9 miles from town and it usually takes us about 20 minutes to get there so I asked dad if I could I play a piece of classical music in the car. He said “yes” so I put it on. He asked what it was and I said the full version of the William Tell Overture. As soon as it started to play he said that’s not the part he knew and I had to explain that the part he knew, The Gallop, was at the end and the piece that he was listening to on the cartoon he was watching was the part just before it.
A few minutes later the part Ranz des vaches came on and he nearly jumped out of his chair saying “that’s the piece that’s was on the cartoon the other day.” See I said I Told you it was part of the William Tell Overture." He just looked and said “smart a**”. He hated being shown he was wrong..
MuddyUSA Premium Member 11 days ago
Just like Kamala will……………………