Timmy had been dating Joyce for almost 2 months and decided to tell his parents on Thanksgiving break.
When he tells his dad, he asks him “Wait a moment, is this Joyce, Susan’s girl?"
Timmy replied: “Yeah, Susan Thompson, that’s her mom, do you know her?”
His dad said after a deep sigh: “Well son, I’m afraid you can’t date her. See when I was younger I got around, if you know what I mean, and I was with Joyce’s mom around 9 months prior to her birth, so she most likely is your sister.”
Timmy was the very upset to hear this from his dad, and his mom noticed this. She asked what was going on and after much perseverance Timmy finally told her about this father’s tryst.
“Don’t let that bother, honey," she whispered in confidence, “He’s actually not your real dad!”
True story: My father was from the old country. He was born in 1900 and came to the USA in 1914. He often had a hard time making sense of English sayings and he particularly wasn’t able to make sense of the word “Thanksgiving”. Thanks to who? Thanks for what? So he decided to coin his own word – “TurkeysGiving”. And that’s what he called the holiday all his life.
Thanksgiving 2016 we treated one of my theater nieces, who was interning at Disney World, to dinner at Disney Springs (also her boyfriend, who was visiting her for the weekend, and my mother-in-law, whom we were treating to the whole stay).
John was an astronaut scheduled to fly on his first mission to the International Space Station.
The media frenzy surrounding the launch was maddening. Everywhere John went, the media followed him.
He would part the curtains at his home in the morning, and the media was out there peering in, trying to get a shot of him going about his day.
It wasn’t just the media – even his friends and relatives began pouring in. His house was literally filled to the brim with people every single minute.
There was barely any room to walk around the house, and leaving the house meant a swarm of reporters would follow him everywhere. It was becoming too much for John and NASA called in their medical team to look at his condition, only to reveal that John was becoming claustrophobic due to the constant pressure of people around him, not giving him a moment of peace and quiet.
The launch now in jeopardy, NASA were looking for a replacement but John decided to overcome his phobia and insisted that he would make the trip. Eventually, NASA decided to go ahead with John but were constantly monitoring his heart rate.
John’s heart was beating dangerously fast as he walked towards the craft, got strapped in and went up. However, as soon as they were out of the Earth’s atmosphere, he calmed down and became completely normal.
Calvin for President ! 3 days ago
Happy Turkey Murder Day !
Leroy 3 days ago
…which is really meta if you had the poop tattoo!
Bilan 3 days ago
If you have a colored tattoo, do you get colored (#2)?
Pickled Pete 3 days ago
Timmy had been dating Joyce for almost 2 months and decided to tell his parents on Thanksgiving break.
When he tells his dad, he asks him “Wait a moment, is this Joyce, Susan’s girl?"
Timmy replied: “Yeah, Susan Thompson, that’s her mom, do you know her?”
His dad said after a deep sigh: “Well son, I’m afraid you can’t date her. See when I was younger I got around, if you know what I mean, and I was with Joyce’s mom around 9 months prior to her birth, so she most likely is your sister.”
Timmy was the very upset to hear this from his dad, and his mom noticed this. She asked what was going on and after much perseverance Timmy finally told her about this father’s tryst.
“Don’t let that bother, honey," she whispered in confidence, “He’s actually not your real dad!”Gameguy49 Premium Member 3 days ago
Ripley is confusing “tolerance” with addiction.
Huckleberry Hiroshima 3 days ago
Mr. Cassavitis we’re thinking of you. Sing us a song before dawn breaks.
DATo 3 days ago
True story: My father was from the old country. He was born in 1900 and came to the USA in 1914. He often had a hard time making sense of English sayings and he particularly wasn’t able to make sense of the word “Thanksgiving”. Thanks to who? Thanks for what? So he decided to coin his own word – “TurkeysGiving”. And that’s what he called the holiday all his life.
Jeffin Premium Member 3 days ago
Poopink?
goboboyd 3 days ago
Well, it was the thought that got you the tat. Now it will have gone full circle.
gcarlson 3 days ago
Thanksgiving 2016 we treated one of my theater nieces, who was interning at Disney World, to dinner at Disney Springs (also her boyfriend, who was visiting her for the weekend, and my mother-in-law, whom we were treating to the whole stay).
Angry Indeed Premium Member 3 days ago
All the turkey munchers go to Orlando to get their tats lasered while sipping on some java.
mindjob 3 days ago
I read that Paris is the most popular destination, followed by Dubai
dpatrickryan Premium Member 3 days ago
If you think pooping out tattoos is weird, just remember that you breathe out lost weight.
Teto85 Premium Member 2 days ago
I am thankful that no one here is proclaiming he was 19 days old.
Smeagol 2 days ago
I need to re-ink my tattoos not remove them, they’re old and slightly faded.
NolaMan 2 days ago
ladies, more pooping please, the tattoos are not attractive
Grover Premium Member 2 days ago
Sorry but I don’t believe it.
Pickled Pete 2 days ago
John was an astronaut scheduled to fly on his first mission to the International Space Station.
The media frenzy surrounding the launch was maddening. Everywhere John went, the media followed him.
He would part the curtains at his home in the morning, and the media was out there peering in, trying to get a shot of him going about his day.
It wasn’t just the media – even his friends and relatives began pouring in. His house was literally filled to the brim with people every single minute.
There was barely any room to walk around the house, and leaving the house meant a swarm of reporters would follow him everywhere. It was becoming too much for John and NASA called in their medical team to look at his condition, only to reveal that John was becoming claustrophobic due to the constant pressure of people around him, not giving him a moment of peace and quiet.
The launch now in jeopardy, NASA were looking for a replacement but John decided to overcome his phobia and insisted that he would make the trip. Eventually, NASA decided to go ahead with John but were constantly monitoring his heart rate.
John’s heart was beating dangerously fast as he walked towards the craft, got strapped in and went up. However, as soon as they were out of the Earth’s atmosphere, he calmed down and became completely normal.
Turns out, all he needed was a little space.
pbr50138 about 14 hours ago
As a kid, I tried coffee and tea. Hated them both. All I drink now is water.