That is Priceless by Steve Melcher for January 10, 2025

/// Seventeen-seven-six. West played dumb and

made a Portrait of the Family Drummond.

There’s just three, to be fair,

for the fourth isn’t there.

The archbishop who’d each of them summoned.

/// His sixth, (clergyman), son holds the frame.

George Hay Drummond is that brother’s name.

Third son, Peter, (at right),

and his wife both keep sight

of the painting, as though their Dad came.

“I think he’ll be perfect for our 16 year old daughter. What do you think Charles Let’s start making the wedding arrangements”

Yes, that looks just like grandpa. I’ll pay you once the inheritance clears.

The husband sits silently. He always hated his father-in-law, and only came with his wife to have a painting drawn to keep her from overspending on the waste of wall space. A picture of dogs playing cards would look much better.

“It’s quite worthless l’m afraid.

However, l’d be happy to keep it and give you £100 for the frame.

What? Okay, make it 200."

“I’ll give you so much for this frame”,

Said a con man who gave a fake name.

“The painting l swear,

Is not very rare,

I’ve seen thousands that all look the same."

The Colonel’s taken his date/

To a studio out of state/

Where he’s had them portrayed-/

Now he hopes to get laid/

So they’ll probably get home late..///

The Colonel’s salient trait/

Is a tendency to gain weight/

Which he tries to conceal/

With a corset of steel-/

But he’s been losing ground, of late..

Oh, what will become of this pair:/

He of chubbiness – she of huge hair?/

I shall have to await/

Revealing their fate/

Because it is 3 a.m. ….

As you can clearly see this man is much too old and kindly looking to play such a sinister character. I suggest you cast Boris Karloff to play my husband.

You have a bit of paint on your lip. Don’t wet the brush.

“But most of all … I Remember Papa.”

In the days before Tinder, you swiped the painting to the right if you liked it, …

“Oh, so that’s what happened to my favorite blouse.”

Mr West had a way of always photobombing his own paintings…

Lady Elsa Lancaster casually points out the flaws in the portrait of Lord Alfred Hitchcock. Colonel George Sanders is not amused.

“I think it will look perfect hanging over the back of the toilet. What do you think dear?”