FoxTrot Classics by Bill Amend for April 28, 2009

Why? Are you about to lose your lunch? Or maybe that’s breakfast coming back now.

I once dissected a fish in middle school. Then the cafeteria’s lunch that day was “fried fish fillet”. What a strange coincidence…

We did all that in high school, and yes, lunch was right after biology. We named our frog “Dead Spot” and made him dance, so we didn’t feel so bad when we took him apart. (At least I didn’t. My whole team called in sick on the second day, so I had to go solo.)

People joke about dissecting worms in the period before lunch where spaghetti is served. That actually happened. We didn’t use rubber gloves then. Later, we had to dissect small sharks. The oil and fat from the shark combined with formaldehyde made my hands stink. This made it difficult to eat a sandwich.

I fainted after reading a book the year before I had to take biology. Since I went to a small school, it was common knowledge. So when we dissected, I wasn’t expected to do much.

i know it sound stereotypical, but my biology lab partners were 2 girls who didn’t want to cut. we got top marks because our incisions were so precise (when what they really were was scared).

We had lunch period right after our frog dissections! Served spaghetti, they did!

Me and my lab partner got extra marks for being the first ones to get the skin completely off the frog, my partner was about to vomit, and I just wanted to get the bleeep thing done and over with. I think we finished a good 15 minutes before everyone else.

Maybe it’s because that diet works too well…

In senior year bio I dissected a fetal pig with no qualms. Nowadays handling raw chicken makes me squeamish. Go figure…

OK!, about this new FAD diet, it’s called BIOLOGY 101!!

Doesn’t anyone hunt or fish? We cleaned the large game in the field and fish were cleaned at home or at the campsite. Biology? Rinse off the formaldehyde and get on with it.

We did live frog dissections in Jr High (9th grade, maybe 8th, it was a LOONG time ago). First thing you had to do was pith the frog, pretty much giving it a lobotomy. Then remove the still beating heart. Skin, examine internal organs, muscle structures, then boil flesh off to examine the skeleton. Extra credit if you kept the skeleton intact. Many kids were grossed out, but I had been cleaning fish, rabbits, birds, etc. since I was 9. I pointed out that with some onions, carrots and seasonings we could have some pretty good soup.

What can I say? I was, and still am, a redneck science geek.

we did cow heard dissections right before lunch and everyone had peanut butter and jelly sandwhiches. They are now Blood clot sandwhiches