Cathy Classics by Cathy Guisewite for December 07, 2009

Do not cheat on “no gift pacts”! A couple of years into our marriage, I told my husband “no gift, only dinner” for our anniversary and he listened to his friends rather than me and gave me a gift. I said thank you, but please believe me when I say no gift. The next year, I asked for the same no gift, only dinner, and again he gave me a gift. That year, I returned it to make a point and we still “argue” about it to this day.

I prefer to cook our Anniversary dinner; took the other half a few years to realize that I enjoy doing this, and his gift to me was to not go behind my back and make reservations at a good restaurant. Yet my SIL loves both a special evening out and gifts on her anniversary. Different strokes….

This year I finally accepted a no-gift gift from a friend without worry. It was hard, because I usually feel so obligated. But, she said “I don’t expect anything back” and so I’m taking her at her word for it. I think that really she likes hearing about how much I enjoy the gift and that’s really what it’s all about! :)

We don’t usually give gifts since it’s hard for my husband to pick out something I’ll really like but we do enjoy going out to eat so we do that for all of our special days. Sometimes while we’re out shopping he’ll buy me something that I want since I’m right there to say so.

lightenup said, about 5 hours ago

Do not cheat on “no gift pacts”! A couple of years into our marriage, I told my husband “no gift, only dinner” for our anniversary and he listened to his friends rather than me and gave me a gift. I said thank you, but please believe me when I say no gift. The next year, I asked for the same no gift, only dinner, and again he gave me a gift. That year, I returned it to make a point and we still “argue” about it to this day.

That’s because television and movies have taught men that any time a woman says, “no gifts, and I really don’t want a birthday party” (or other big celebration), he’d bloody well better get himself in gear and start shopping for that gift and planning that party, or else the lady who doth protest too much will make his life miserable for him for being such an insensitive clod as to forget her on that special day, when she was really just tryng to appear modest, rather than as the entitled shrew she really is.

In other words, you may have meant it, lightenup, but most men wouldn’t dare take you at your word because of the way we’ve been conditioned to think. So, I side with your husband, who was simply erring on the side of caution. :)

Maybe it was more a one sided no gift pact.

I love unbirthday presents - the kind that are not associated with any special anniversary, but just because. I like to give somebody a present they will really, really like. To do this I have to know them pretty well.

I agree, legaleagle48, unfortunately most who say “don’t get me anything”, don’t really mean it, which is why I let it go the first time. But after a year of making it clear that I was completely serious and being honest, it was annoying that he still believed the “game” rather than his wife. Really, what does an honest and direct person have to do to be believed over people who play games and don’t tell the truth?

@Susan001, it was only 2 years, not “constantly” and I think you’re being a bit dramatic saying it was “utterly cruel”. Cruel is starving children or beating animals, and this isn’t even in the ballpark. Yes, his feelings were hurt some (he was laughing when I returned it because really, how stupid was his crazy wife?), but my feelings were hurt also that after a year of swearing on everything sacred that I was entirely serious, that he still didn’t believe me or listen.

In fairness, the entire story was that the first year, I was pregnant and we were spending a lot preparing for the baby, so rather than spending more, I just really wanted a relaxing evening alone with my husband before the craziness of a baby started. And the second year, not only did we have a baby, but I had been laid off the month before so money was extra tight. Sorry about not including all the details, but I thought the story was long enough the first time and eliminated what I thought was unnecessary. Oh, and we give each other presents now, but we do talk about it.

lightenup said, about 2 hours ago

In fairness, the entire story was that the first year, I was pregnant and we were spending a lot preparing for the baby, so rather than spending more, I just really wanted a relaxing evening alone with my husband before the craziness of a baby started. And the second year, not only did we have a baby, but I had been laid off the month before so money was extra tight. Sorry about not including all the details, but I thought the story was long enough the first time and eliminated what I thought was unnecessary. Oh, and we give each other presents now, but we do talk about it.

Aw, it’s really sweet that you both can now enjoy giving to each other (coupled with a bit of common sense, of course.) And yes, your original story makes a lot more sense now in light of those additional details – of course you were only trying to be practical, rather than unreasonable. I’m glad to hear that everything worked out for both of you. Here’s hoping that Santa Claus (or whoever brings the gifties to your home these days) is extra generous to you all this year! :)

This is just payback for all the rules men have for the various sports that their wives are seasonal widows of; deal with it Irving!

I agree with legaleagle that it’s true a lot of times a woman really doesn’t mean it when she says “Don’t get me anything” and later on gets ticked you took her seriously. I wouldn’t say those words in ten million years.

I like getting presents. I also like giving presents. I hate the way society seems to be trying to make me feel bad about both lately. I don’t expect a lot of money to be spent; it really is the thought that counts. For that matter, just hearing “I wanted to get you a present but I couldn’t afford it” thrills me. I like knowing people care. What’s so bad about that?