Pearls Before Swine by Stephan Pastis for March 24, 2012

What happened to Pigita?

That ad is about as lame as Larry’s résumé: “Me no gud at nuthin.” If Rat’s advice to larry was “Beef this up,” maybe he should encourage Pig to “Ham it up a little.”

The unwanted ad section.

darn those truth in advertising laws

In porcinus veritas…

Rat is my favorite character (check my Avatar), but he shouldn’t give comforting advice. He’s too much of a realist. Then again, so am I.

Almost as depressing as those personals ads where people describe themselves as if they were an apartment for rent.

It’s better to tell the truth; deception weaves a tangled web.

Honesty thy name is Pig. Seriously, how many of us wouldn’t at least somewhat follow Rat’s lead in a singles ad. Hype yourself to get people to look at you and maybe be interested. Though certainly not to Rat’s vastly inflated sense of self (let’s face it, with Rat’s ego he would believe he should replace Jonathan Goldsmith as the Dos Equis spokesman and the commericals would then all be true). And don’t mention what may be our bad points. Someone who lives with their folks and doesn’t have to pay rent might say “I never forget to pay rent” so they come away sounding responsible.Someone who isn’t considered handsome or pretty could claim “People comment on my looks.” And then here’s innocent, naive Pig being brutally honest about himself. If it weren’t for Pigita you know he’d always be staying home on the weekends. At least she goes out with him from time to time. Though this is probably a sign their relationship is in the off-again phase.

Oh, Pig! Do not be led astray by Rat! There are surely some women who WOULD respond to your starkly honest ad. In fact, I’d bet you start getting calls within a day or two!—Then, maybe, we can get rid of the vile Pigita!

I thought pigita got eaten by the roof fish.

Someone will bite.

At least Pig’s not going to be swamped with calls.

Truth In Advertising.

I once put in a singles ad like that. “Fat, bald, bitter.” It got a lot of responses. I was really surprised.

Change one word, and it might work:

Dear Girls,

I am not smart. I’m fat. I’m poor. And I’m ugly. Come and fix me!

I got a LOT of responses…years worth, carefully used…“Mr. WRONG is BACK…”You’re welcome. I think a sense of humor…not a lot of jokes, just an attitude…works.

With that description girls will be running for him.

Not so sure Pig is off-base. My Match.com profile headline read, “Unemployed and lives with parents”. It worked surprisingly well.

I’m fat, bald, unemployed, and I live with my parents.

I like a pig who can be hopeful that someone will like him for who he is, take it or leave it.

pig, pig, pig, when will you ever learn?

Awwwww, You’re not ugly and fat, Pig.

You’re ADORABLE!

xxx

YOU JUST NEED TO EMPHASIZE THE POSITIVE… “not likely to be stolen by your girlfriend” …

That hag Pigita manages to break up with Pig about 3 times a year. Go for it Pig !

He should have mentioned his sensitive side. He is just a big sweetie!

He’s just advertising in the wrong place. He needs to go to Craiglist….look under escort services.

I heard a guy on the radio talking about how he’dkiddingly put together a real stereotypical redneck sexist pig style personal add. It was so over the top, thousands of women got the joke and called him….Shows to go ya…

hmm, in america, this is an ad a female would post. They figure anyman is lucky to have them, no matter what they are

lol! pig, don’t you have a girlfriend, pigta? cheater!

You can be honest about your strengths and not reveal weaknesses so readily, but Pig just isn’t that clever is he.

Pig isn’t ugly.

At least he’s honest.